So it’s June 2010. And everyone knows what that means ... the World Cup.
A time when Americans pretend to care about soccer and Koreans become so nationalistic they make even McCarthy look like a commie.
The first game between Korea and Greece took place a couple weekends ago, and I chose to watch it in a local Gwangju bar with some friends.
Sorry Grandma, but I figured I would forego my host-family’s barely functioning television that has but two channels and emits only the color green ... and watch it with a room full of die-hard Korean soccer fans, dressed head to toe in “Hey, let’s go Korea!” gear.
This “Hey, let’s go Korea!” gear consists of: Red anything
Red scarves (because it was only about 80 degrees that night)
Red t-shirts
Red mini skirts
Red socks and shoes
Red Korea national jerseys (one of which I now proudly own)
Red bang-together-make-a-really-loud-noise-sticks
and
Red devil horns - pretty much every Korean ever had on a pair of red devil horns, because as I later found out the soccer fan-club / mob calls themselves the “red devils” (I still have no idea why) and shows solidarity by imitating Lucifer.
Side-note: Lucifer = a cutes-y Korean girl who wears devil horns with miniskirts, stilettos, on the arm of her ambiguously gay Korean boyfriend.
Anyway, I won’t bore you all with the events of the game (because I’m sure you all watched it at home, at 7:30 in the morning). Basically, Korea dominated ... they were able to put the ball inside the goal 2 times more than Greece.
I had a fantastic time watching the game with my friends and the “red devils” ... and as I later discovered, it was the first time I had ever watched an entire soccer game from start to finish. (Minus those 30 minute games in which I was forced to participate in high school physical education class.)
With Korea’s first win, the country only intensified its Korea-ness. My students were super concerned with me knowing that Korea won their first game and America only “same same” with England ... and then later “same same” with Slovenia.
Come on America.
Weak sauce.
However, there’s nothing I love more than a little “who’s country is better”. Because, isn’t that really why I came to Korea?
I’m tempted to wear my American flag sweater to school everyday this week ... even though it’s late June.
America!
As for the second game, Korea went head to head with Argentina and sadly the outcome wasn’t as awesome as the first. As I’m sure you’re all aware (because you keep a close tab on the Korean soccer team) they lost. And pretty badly.
But my students didn’t seem to make it a point to tell me how Korea was dominated by Argentina. They must have forgotten.
And the third game? A tie with Nigeria. And even though it’s pretty lame to tie, (unless, of course, you’re America ... and then anything you do is awesome because you have guns) the tie allowed Korea to advance into the sweet 16 round. (While I’m no soccer buff I am not totally sure if “sweet 16” is a legit term for the World Cup, but it is as far as I’m concerned.)
This advancement into the sweet 16 revived Korean spirits, and once again every Korea nand their mother (really, the ajummas are totally into Korean soccer) are wearing red, shouting “대한민국” / “Republic of Korea” every 10 seconds, listening to the new national anthem (a pop song produced by Big Bang - one of Korea’s hottest boy bands - and Yuna Kim - remember, the gold-medaling figure skater - especially for the 2010 World Cup), and dancing the national “we are awesome at soccer” dance that coincides with this new national anthem. There really is a choreographed dance.
(I’ll post a link to the song and its video at the end of my post, so you all at home can get in on all this “Korea-ness”.)
Moving on.
Things around the Eee / Lauren’s home-stay house have been pretty hectic. This past week Eun Sue, my youngest host-sister, the high school senior, is preparing for her KAIST interviews.
As I’ve mentioned before, she’s in the process of applying to KAIST ... Korea’s top science university that is super difficult to get into. The application process is also insanely difficult / ridiculous, and includes multiple test scores, recommendations from many of her high school teachers, a portfolio of all her academic awards, a portfolio of all her extracurricular activities (volunteering, taekwando, green tea ceremonies, pretty much anything else that doesn’t involve books), and on top of that she must pass through about a million interviews in English and Korean (and maybe one in German, you never know). This past week she met with the KAIST people for the first time and had her first of the interviews (in Korean).
I’m not exactly sure how it went down (because strangely they didn’t invite me to sit in on it), but I’m sure she did fantastically because she’s been memorizing answers to what she thinks the interviewers will ask her for weeks. Questions such as:
“Why is KAIST so awesome?” “Are you awesome enough to come to KAIST?” “What awesome things will you study at KAIST?” “What have you done in high school to prepare you for this much awesome?”
Her English interview is sometime next week ... of which I’ve been helping her prepare for. It’s only a 5 minute shindig, but 5 minutes ... speaking in a foreign language ... about how awesome you are requires a lot of preparation. She is talking specifically about an experiment she did last year that won her the 2nd most awesome award a Korean science student can receive, and I’m helping her to craft her English sentences so she sounds super smart and super awesome.
The experiment she preformed dealt with nails, oxidation, roofs, and urine.
Yeah, I’m teaching her how to best talk about urine.
Apparently she discovered that in old time Korea when rust-fighting agents weren’t that popular, old Koreans would dip the nails they used to build houses in their pee, which would prevent rust. So being the little scientist that she is, Eun Sue recreated this experiment and dipped some nails in some pee. And what do you know; her pee was so awesome she won a legit science award.
So after her Korean and English interview, she has a third interview ... or a 10 minute meeting with the KAIST people to “sell herself” and show that she does indeed have enough awesome for KAIST.
I’m also helping her with her final interview, because she said she needs to be really creative and unique ... so default to the American, because we’re all creative and unique (so thinks Korea). Actually, the new president of KAIST is American, and this new and more rigorous interview process is thanks to him and his desire to mimic the “American style” of university admissions ... not relying on the traditional Korean way (take one super important test that basically decides your entire future). So I told Eun Sue that a pretty sweet way to woo / sell yourself to the people at KAIST would be to do so in the best and most glorious of American ways.
Jeopardy.
Yeah, the game show.
(Forget for a minute that Trebek is Canadian.)
We’re working out a way for Eun Sue to play Jeopardy with the KAIST people (she being Trebek, of course) and they, the contestants, choose from categories such as: “Awesome awards Eun Sue won”, “Fun facts about how awesome Eun Sue is”, or “I bet you didn’t know Eun Sue was awesome at these things too!”
Jeopardy never fails. I’m sure she’ll get in.
As I know you all will remember, this semester I’ve been teaching an English novels club class for 10 advanced English students, to prepare them for the much anticipated (by my principal) English-novels competition this June.
And well, guess what. It’s June ... meaning the competition was this past week.
Each participating school in my province sends in two of its most glorious English students to compete in this competition (makes sense, right?).
As I’ve said, I teach 10 students in my novels class, 8 of who are 1st grade students ... i.e high school freshmen ... and they are glorious.
I like to think I am aiding in their English awesomeness as we read Pride and Prejudice and basically talk about how douchey is Mr. Wickham, how incredibly silly Elizabeth is being, and how my students feel about Hwasun High School love (which basically functions similarly to the love Austen displays in Pride and Prejudice).
Side-note: My novels class is also equipping students with much more distinguished insults, as one of my more glorious students once informed me (speaking about this fellow classmate): “Rauren. He is no Darcy. He is a Wickham.”
Anyway, after teaching this 6 month novels class I thought I would be able to choose who I thought were the two most glorious students to send along into the competition.
Yeah, I was wrong about that.
My high school principal figured that he knew what was best (because he has totally sat in on zero of my classes) and he sent two students that don’t even attend my class into the novel battle. (It sounds more dramatic that way.)
The two students he sent are fairly good (if not more glorious than the 1st grade students) at English, but have absolutely no idea of the basic contents of any of the books we have read.
Sweet life, Mr. Principal.
But our hard work is promised not to be wasted, as my co-teacher promised to send two of the currently 1st grade students to the competition next year.
And next year they will dominate.
(But I have yet to hear the outcome of this year’s competition ... or how much Hwasun High School dominated ... but once I do I will totally inform the blogging world. Because I know you’re all super anxious to know.)
One of my students recently came to me seeking relationship advice.
Adorable, I know.
Apparently he’s the 3rd grade class heartbreaker, and it’s really interfering with his studies. Seriously, his biggest concern is not how to get a girl, but how to un-get a girl so he can focus more on math and science.
(I too had that problem in 3rd grade ... and my multiplication tables really suffered from it.)
So a particular girl in his class ... we’ll call this girl “Hwasun High School’s president” ... or “Obama” for short (because she may or may not be the Hwasun High School president) ... has a crush on this dude, and quite a big one.
It is so big that she went to the lengths of stealing his cell phone just to see who he’s been in contact with. Such a presidential move.
Dudebro then came to me, the only female teacher under 30 at school, seeking advice on how to handle this particular silly “Obama”.
So I gave him a plethora of advices, many of which I hope he at least attempts:
1. Steal her cell phone. Hammurabi style.
2. Tell your class teacher and hopefully get her Nixon-ed.
3. Become so horribly unattractive that she will give it back to you out of pity and end her little crush.
4. Create a fake girlfriend, a la “Georgina Glass”, so she might give up.
He promised to let me know how this drama plays out, as he hopefully implements some of these strategies to get rid of “Obama”.
Also ... if this doesn’t affirm the belief that Eun Sue should have won the Hwasun High School presidency, I don’t know what does.
Oh hey there weekly readers.
The promised answers from last week’s logic puzzles:
1. Put a math symbol between (5 __ 9) to make a number bigger than 5 and smaller than 9.
. (decimal point)
2. Two girls were born to the same mother, on the same day, at the same time, in the same month, and in the same year.
But they are not twins.
How is this true?
They are 2 girls, in a set of triplets
3. How can you add eight 8’s to equal 1,000? (use only addition)
888 + 88 + 8 + 8 + 8 = 1,000
4. What letter comes next in this sequence?
J ... F ... M ... A ... M ... J ... J ... A ... __ ... O ... N ... D
S = September
5. How can you cut a cake into 8 parts with just 3 cuts?
First cut - across, vertically
Second cut - across, horizontally
Third cut - cut the cake in half, to separate the top half and the bottom half
6. In the equation: 101 - 102 = 1, move one number in order to correct it.
101 - 10(insert small 2 “squared” symbol here, because I can’t find it on my Mac) = 1
7. An electric train is traveling south. The wind is blowing from the north. What direction does the train’s smoke blow?
An electric train doesn’t produce smoke.
8. A farmer has 17 sheep. All but 9 die. How many are alive?
9
9. How much dirt is in a hole 3 meters x 3 meters x 3 meters?
0 ... in order to be a hole, there must not be any dirt inside
10. How can you throw a ball and have it come back to you?
It doesn’t bounce off anything.
Nothing is attached to it.
No one catches and throws it back to you.
Throw it up ... to the sky.
As promised … the Korean World Cup fight song:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ik44awloHsM
And here’s an instructional video for you all to follow in hopes of perfecting the dance:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rq5cPaTPTpA
Thursday, June 24, 2010
Thursday, June 10, 2010
"What happen when Bill Gate throw ball at window?" "He make Windows 98!"
This week I discovered that my school recently blocked Facebook from any of its school computers. While this travesty pretty much puts an end to the record-breaking amount of time I would usually put towards chatting or general procrastination ... it does, however, mean an increase in blogging.
Two weeks ago Hwasun High School held one of the greatest sports spectacles in the history of sports spectacles. The annual “Hwasun High School sports day” ... and it rivaled the Beijing games, both in the sheer athletic ability displayed by all participants, and in the Asian-ness.
Sports day was held in the local Hwasun multi-purpose gymnasium ... because the school decided that its gymnasium (which is the size of a small coat closet) just wasn’t big enough. So I headed down to the gym around 8 am (helping my host-mom, who was in charge of feeding all the teachers because she was recently appointed captain of all the parents) carry in boxes of kimchi. Actual boxes of kimchi, of which I ate none.
I then was able to watch the grand parade of classes (at least that’s what I called it) ... where each of the 1st and 2nd grade classes preformed for all the teachers and the school principal. Each class prepared a 2-3 minute dance and/or some type of entertainment as they walked into the gym, Olympic style. The performances consisted mostly of the students imitating famous K-pop dance moves to the latest Korean jamz, so really just some fancy arm moves and pelvic thrusts. (Something that the Beijing Olympics were really lacking).
What was so great, was that the pelvic thrusting was directed right at the school principal, who honestly seemed to enjoy it.
After the performances ... and a 20 minute stretching drill where all the students lined up and did synchronized stretching to music that I believe was actually titled “Land of the Morning Calm” (which was surprisingly scary) ... so began sports day.
The day basically consisted of students battling in badminton (because they’re Asian), ping pong (because they’re really Asian), couples dodgeball (because they’re absolutely adorable), jump rope (because they’re 5 years old), and tug of war (because Korea is actually at war).
The students had a great time because really, who wouldn’t rather play some badminton instead of learning about whatever it is that they actually learn about inside super hot and smelly classrooms. It was pretty much a free day to have fun and be children, something that Korea’s not very good at promoting. But when they do have fun, it is organized, awesome, Sports Day fun.
Unfortunately I didn’t get to participate in any sports during this Sports Day, and was only an observer. None of the teachers really played any of the sports ... besides the gym teacher who is so scary I didn’t even want to challenge in badminton (because I seriously think that he could have killed me via shuttlecock). So observe I did, and had a great time.
I also got some free french fries.
As you will remember from reading my last blog posting (because you’re still reading, right?) my host brother Sang Che has recently acquired a new girlfriend.
And this girlfriend is baller.
She pretty much speaks 3.5 languages (the .5 sadly being English ... the 3 being Korean, German, and Japanese) and is soon heading to Germany in order to practice one of her 3.5 languages ... and I’m pretty sure it’s German. Anyways, Sang Che recently informed me (via translator host-mom) that his new girlfriend has decided that when she has a family and children, she will speak to her children in all 3.5 languages, so they too can be baller.
This worries poor Sang Che, in that he functions in only 1 language (that being German) ... (no, it’s Korean) and he is scared that when he marries this girl and they have insanely cute Korean children, he will have no idea what she is saying to them.
This should be noted: the fact that Sang Che is planning to marry her after only 1 solid month of dating speaks volumes of the Korean dating mentality, because after 3 dates you’re pretty much wearing complete couple attire ... i.e. matching couple shirts, pants, shoes, headbands (really), scarves (if it’s cold), rings, glasses, etc ... pretty much anything that you can put on your body is made in pairs for obnoxiously adorable couples to proudly display their couple-ness.
So Sang Che has come to me in hopes of learning English, explaining that he wants to be able to talk to his future children in at least 1.5 languages.
I’m not totally sure how this will work, but we will see.
I was recently given my own English classroom at school because:
“Rauren teacher is too loud.”
It looks fancier to have the foreign teacher teaching in a more high-tech classroom (high tech = functioning computer) when important people come visit school, i.e. parents, superintendents, President Bak ...
The classroom is actually really sweet, I’ve got my own computer and “Cyber Computer Board” which the students touch at least once a week in hopes of it transforming into a touch board, and I can arrange the desks in anyway I please.
“Oh hey you’re going to be sitting in rows this week. But watch out, because next week you’ll have to maneuver around the desk maze I created when bored during 3rd period.”
And besides from my students not bringing anything to write with to class (because obviously they wouldn’t need a pencil in English class, but instead cartons of milk, their cell phones, chopsticks, and/or clothes hangers ... all of which they have brought to class) and it being about 1 million degrees inside, it’s actually quite nice.
Went to Seoul last weekend, and after some searching (that little phrase has been used one too many times, but I really did some searching) made a quick $300.
Well, not so much “quick” ... more like “extremely painful, slow, agonizing” $300. But that’s neither here nor there.
I signed up to be a proctor for a pretty intense English test some Koreans (and a dude from Brazil) took in order to be a CFA ... which means either “Certified Financial Analyst”
“Corporate Financial Analyst” or “Cool Foreign Ambassador”. It was basically an insanely difficult test (all in English) for them to take in order to work abroad doing stuff involving money.
So I proctored the exam, proctored meaning standing around for 6 hours making sure all the future “Cool Foreign Ambassadors” weren’t cheating on their tests.
It was super fun and I would definitely do it again.
On opposite day.
Last week I had Wednesday off school, due to South Korea being a democratic country and holding elections. Pretty much no one went to work / school / the kimchi fields and took a whole day to decide who they wanted to run their local town / city / kimchi field. Me being a foreigner and not being allowed to vote, I celebrated by treating myself to a movie ... “The Prince of Persia and the Sands of Time”. And after sitting through 1 and a half hours of Jake Gyllenhaal trying to act in a desert, I think I rather would have voted all day.
But election day was great because that meant the end of campaigning ... something Koreans are obnoxiously good at doing.
Each potential politician is given or raises a certain amount of campaign money, which they put to use by hiring ajummas (super old Korean ladies) to dress in insanely bright neon colored shirts to:
Hand out business cards
Talk people up outside the grocery store / bank / post office / kimchi field
Stand in the middle of intersections and bow to cars as they pass through
Sing and dance on the side of the street (really) in a synchronized fasion
and
Play super annoying campaign music outside your house at 7 am (that is usually set to the tune of either “Joyful, Joyful” or “We will Rock You”)
For what it’s worth, I guess I’m pretty glad I’m living in South, and not North Korea ... but these past couple weeks in the height of the campaigning frenzy have really made me wonder exactly what it would be like not having to endure the “Joyful, Joyful Rocking” and just accept the fact that Kim Jong Ill fell from heaven riding on the wings of a unicorn.
On Tuesday of this week, my school decided to be awesome and schedule me to teach 6 classes in one day ... all back to back ... with only a one hour lunch break.
The reason? Because it was Parent’s Day at school, meaning that the teachers had to teach “open classes” and all the parents who didn’t have anything better to do (i.e. my host-mom) came to school to check out what their children are actually learning, if anything.
So the school, in it’s infinite wisdom, decided: “Oh hey. Let’s have Rauren teacher teach 6 classes ... and we will switch around her classes so the douchiest ones are in the morning (when most of the parents come) ... and then lets give all the students crack-cocaine so they are super loud and annoying ... and then lets make all these scary old women watch her.”
Actually, it wasn’t nearly that bad, but it was pretty awesome teaching the same lesson 6 times over and over, with parents standing in the back of the classroom, having pretty much no idea what is going on.
Hint: sarcasm.
So I wasn’t really that stressed out, because whatever I said (so long as it was in English) was super impressive to the teachers and parents because I:
Don’t speak English with a Korean accent.
Speak English fairly well.
and
Am pretty tall.
Parent’s Day = dominated.
And what exactly did I teach while all these parents who were checking out my 178 centimeters?
Well, nothing really. I had the students race to answer 10 logic puzzles (in English) and threw some candy at the winning team.
But I chalked it up to “creative” learning and the Koreans went crazy for it, because it’s one thing that the Korean school system is definitely lacking.
Here are some of the puzzles I gave my students. Give them a whirl.
And remember, these puzzles are in your native language ... unlike for my students (who were able to answer all of them in a 40 minute period).
Unless, of course, you are a student and both found and are reading my blog on the Interwebs. In that case, touche student.
1. Put a math symbol between (5 __ 9) to make a number bigger than 5 and smaller than 9.
2. Two girls were born to the same mother, on the same day, at the same time, in the same month, and in the same year.
But they are not twins.
How is this true?
3. How can you add eight 8’s to equal 1,000? (use only addition)
4. What letter comes next in this sequence?
J ... F ... M ... A ... M ... J ... J ... A ... __ ... O ... N ... D
5. How can you cut a cake into 8 parts with just 3 cuts?
6. In the equation: 101 - 102 = 1, move one number in order to correct it.
7. An electric train is traveling south. The wind is blowing from the north. What direction does the train’s smoke blow?
8. A farmer has 17 sheep. All but 9 die. How many are alive?
9. How much dirt is in a hole 3 meters x 3 meters x 3 meters?
10. How can you throw a ball and have it come back to you?
It doesn’t bounce off anything.
Nothing is attached to it.
No one catches and throws it back to you.
Want to know if you’re as smart as a 17 year old Korean kid?
Check back next week for the answers.
That’s right. Cliffhanger.
Two weeks ago Hwasun High School held one of the greatest sports spectacles in the history of sports spectacles. The annual “Hwasun High School sports day” ... and it rivaled the Beijing games, both in the sheer athletic ability displayed by all participants, and in the Asian-ness.
Sports day was held in the local Hwasun multi-purpose gymnasium ... because the school decided that its gymnasium (which is the size of a small coat closet) just wasn’t big enough. So I headed down to the gym around 8 am (helping my host-mom, who was in charge of feeding all the teachers because she was recently appointed captain of all the parents) carry in boxes of kimchi. Actual boxes of kimchi, of which I ate none.
I then was able to watch the grand parade of classes (at least that’s what I called it) ... where each of the 1st and 2nd grade classes preformed for all the teachers and the school principal. Each class prepared a 2-3 minute dance and/or some type of entertainment as they walked into the gym, Olympic style. The performances consisted mostly of the students imitating famous K-pop dance moves to the latest Korean jamz, so really just some fancy arm moves and pelvic thrusts. (Something that the Beijing Olympics were really lacking).
What was so great, was that the pelvic thrusting was directed right at the school principal, who honestly seemed to enjoy it.
After the performances ... and a 20 minute stretching drill where all the students lined up and did synchronized stretching to music that I believe was actually titled “Land of the Morning Calm” (which was surprisingly scary) ... so began sports day.
The day basically consisted of students battling in badminton (because they’re Asian), ping pong (because they’re really Asian), couples dodgeball (because they’re absolutely adorable), jump rope (because they’re 5 years old), and tug of war (because Korea is actually at war).
The students had a great time because really, who wouldn’t rather play some badminton instead of learning about whatever it is that they actually learn about inside super hot and smelly classrooms. It was pretty much a free day to have fun and be children, something that Korea’s not very good at promoting. But when they do have fun, it is organized, awesome, Sports Day fun.
Unfortunately I didn’t get to participate in any sports during this Sports Day, and was only an observer. None of the teachers really played any of the sports ... besides the gym teacher who is so scary I didn’t even want to challenge in badminton (because I seriously think that he could have killed me via shuttlecock). So observe I did, and had a great time.
I also got some free french fries.
As you will remember from reading my last blog posting (because you’re still reading, right?) my host brother Sang Che has recently acquired a new girlfriend.
And this girlfriend is baller.
She pretty much speaks 3.5 languages (the .5 sadly being English ... the 3 being Korean, German, and Japanese) and is soon heading to Germany in order to practice one of her 3.5 languages ... and I’m pretty sure it’s German. Anyways, Sang Che recently informed me (via translator host-mom) that his new girlfriend has decided that when she has a family and children, she will speak to her children in all 3.5 languages, so they too can be baller.
This worries poor Sang Che, in that he functions in only 1 language (that being German) ... (no, it’s Korean) and he is scared that when he marries this girl and they have insanely cute Korean children, he will have no idea what she is saying to them.
This should be noted: the fact that Sang Che is planning to marry her after only 1 solid month of dating speaks volumes of the Korean dating mentality, because after 3 dates you’re pretty much wearing complete couple attire ... i.e. matching couple shirts, pants, shoes, headbands (really), scarves (if it’s cold), rings, glasses, etc ... pretty much anything that you can put on your body is made in pairs for obnoxiously adorable couples to proudly display their couple-ness.
So Sang Che has come to me in hopes of learning English, explaining that he wants to be able to talk to his future children in at least 1.5 languages.
I’m not totally sure how this will work, but we will see.
I was recently given my own English classroom at school because:
“Rauren teacher is too loud.”
It looks fancier to have the foreign teacher teaching in a more high-tech classroom (high tech = functioning computer) when important people come visit school, i.e. parents, superintendents, President Bak ...
The classroom is actually really sweet, I’ve got my own computer and “Cyber Computer Board” which the students touch at least once a week in hopes of it transforming into a touch board, and I can arrange the desks in anyway I please.
“Oh hey you’re going to be sitting in rows this week. But watch out, because next week you’ll have to maneuver around the desk maze I created when bored during 3rd period.”
And besides from my students not bringing anything to write with to class (because obviously they wouldn’t need a pencil in English class, but instead cartons of milk, their cell phones, chopsticks, and/or clothes hangers ... all of which they have brought to class) and it being about 1 million degrees inside, it’s actually quite nice.
Went to Seoul last weekend, and after some searching (that little phrase has been used one too many times, but I really did some searching) made a quick $300.
Well, not so much “quick” ... more like “extremely painful, slow, agonizing” $300. But that’s neither here nor there.
I signed up to be a proctor for a pretty intense English test some Koreans (and a dude from Brazil) took in order to be a CFA ... which means either “Certified Financial Analyst”
“Corporate Financial Analyst” or “Cool Foreign Ambassador”. It was basically an insanely difficult test (all in English) for them to take in order to work abroad doing stuff involving money.
So I proctored the exam, proctored meaning standing around for 6 hours making sure all the future “Cool Foreign Ambassadors” weren’t cheating on their tests.
It was super fun and I would definitely do it again.
On opposite day.
Last week I had Wednesday off school, due to South Korea being a democratic country and holding elections. Pretty much no one went to work / school / the kimchi fields and took a whole day to decide who they wanted to run their local town / city / kimchi field. Me being a foreigner and not being allowed to vote, I celebrated by treating myself to a movie ... “The Prince of Persia and the Sands of Time”. And after sitting through 1 and a half hours of Jake Gyllenhaal trying to act in a desert, I think I rather would have voted all day.
But election day was great because that meant the end of campaigning ... something Koreans are obnoxiously good at doing.
Each potential politician is given or raises a certain amount of campaign money, which they put to use by hiring ajummas (super old Korean ladies) to dress in insanely bright neon colored shirts to:
Hand out business cards
Talk people up outside the grocery store / bank / post office / kimchi field
Stand in the middle of intersections and bow to cars as they pass through
Sing and dance on the side of the street (really) in a synchronized fasion
and
Play super annoying campaign music outside your house at 7 am (that is usually set to the tune of either “Joyful, Joyful” or “We will Rock You”)
For what it’s worth, I guess I’m pretty glad I’m living in South, and not North Korea ... but these past couple weeks in the height of the campaigning frenzy have really made me wonder exactly what it would be like not having to endure the “Joyful, Joyful Rocking” and just accept the fact that Kim Jong Ill fell from heaven riding on the wings of a unicorn.
On Tuesday of this week, my school decided to be awesome and schedule me to teach 6 classes in one day ... all back to back ... with only a one hour lunch break.
The reason? Because it was Parent’s Day at school, meaning that the teachers had to teach “open classes” and all the parents who didn’t have anything better to do (i.e. my host-mom) came to school to check out what their children are actually learning, if anything.
So the school, in it’s infinite wisdom, decided: “Oh hey. Let’s have Rauren teacher teach 6 classes ... and we will switch around her classes so the douchiest ones are in the morning (when most of the parents come) ... and then lets give all the students crack-cocaine so they are super loud and annoying ... and then lets make all these scary old women watch her.”
Actually, it wasn’t nearly that bad, but it was pretty awesome teaching the same lesson 6 times over and over, with parents standing in the back of the classroom, having pretty much no idea what is going on.
Hint: sarcasm.
So I wasn’t really that stressed out, because whatever I said (so long as it was in English) was super impressive to the teachers and parents because I:
Don’t speak English with a Korean accent.
Speak English fairly well.
and
Am pretty tall.
Parent’s Day = dominated.
And what exactly did I teach while all these parents who were checking out my 178 centimeters?
Well, nothing really. I had the students race to answer 10 logic puzzles (in English) and threw some candy at the winning team.
But I chalked it up to “creative” learning and the Koreans went crazy for it, because it’s one thing that the Korean school system is definitely lacking.
Here are some of the puzzles I gave my students. Give them a whirl.
And remember, these puzzles are in your native language ... unlike for my students (who were able to answer all of them in a 40 minute period).
Unless, of course, you are a student and both found and are reading my blog on the Interwebs. In that case, touche student.
1. Put a math symbol between (5 __ 9) to make a number bigger than 5 and smaller than 9.
2. Two girls were born to the same mother, on the same day, at the same time, in the same month, and in the same year.
But they are not twins.
How is this true?
3. How can you add eight 8’s to equal 1,000? (use only addition)
4. What letter comes next in this sequence?
J ... F ... M ... A ... M ... J ... J ... A ... __ ... O ... N ... D
5. How can you cut a cake into 8 parts with just 3 cuts?
6. In the equation: 101 - 102 = 1, move one number in order to correct it.
7. An electric train is traveling south. The wind is blowing from the north. What direction does the train’s smoke blow?
8. A farmer has 17 sheep. All but 9 die. How many are alive?
9. How much dirt is in a hole 3 meters x 3 meters x 3 meters?
10. How can you throw a ball and have it come back to you?
It doesn’t bounce off anything.
Nothing is attached to it.
No one catches and throws it back to you.
Want to know if you’re as smart as a 17 year old Korean kid?
Check back next week for the answers.
That’s right. Cliffhanger.
Thursday, June 3, 2010
The most legit, fo shizzle, baller blog ever ... you'll be sure to make it rain for your shawty after this one.
No cutesy intro ... BAM!
Blog.
Coming at you.
About 50 weekends ago I had the pleasure of visiting one of my teacher friends, his home, and his adorable little Korean family.
Moon teacher (as he asks me to call him ... because his Korean name is actually “Moon”) was one of my most favorite teachers last semester, but had to change schools in March, due to Korea’s making all public school teachers abandon ship (ship being their current school) every 3 years to find a new ship.
Well, actually the government finds them a new ship, they’re not like pirates or anything.
Anyways, last Saturday Moon invited me to his house, to meet his wife, and have lunch with the family. Moon has two sons, one of which is a first grade student of mine, Benjamin (note: this is the English name he chose in my class, and how Moon now refers to him. Pretty sure his actual Korean name is “Star” or something). So Moon came and picked me up at 9:30 am (because every Korean deems there should be at least 4 hours of “hang-ee out” time before lunch).
He first took me to his new school ... the “Gwangju Technology and Electricity High School” - at least that is what Moon called it. And even though his English isn’t stellar, I’m going to guess he was at least partially correct, in that the sign with the school’s name on it outside was about a mile long.
After a pretty sweet tour of the outside (which definitely put Hwasun High School to shame and quite possibly Gwangju University because the school grounds were roughly the size of a small town) he invited me into the gym to “watch-ee and play” volleyball with the high school’s volleyball team.
Moon teacher knows that I enjoy playing volleyball, and also that I’m not absolutely terrible at it (due to my previously mentioned volleyball domination during teachers’ sports day), so he thought it would be best for me to come and watch his high school boy’s volleyball team practice on Saturday morning.
Side-note: Moon’s high school boys’ volleyball team is supposedly the “best in the nation” as he explained ... which I think could very much be true, after watching them practice for a couple of hours.
These dudes were tall. I’m aware that I’ve been in Asia for almost a year, and that my definition of “tall” is now somewhat skewed, but these dudes were legit tall. I’d give them 6-5 / 6-6. Probably the tallest dudes I’ve seen in Asia in the past 10 months. Not including Yao Ming and that one guy who holds the “tallest man in the world” record. (But I’ve only seen them on TV, and we all know that TV adds about 2 feet, so Moon’s volleyball boys are currently the “tallest dudes in Asia”.)
So Moon and I watched them practice for about 2 hours. And yes, it was awkward. For everyone.
“Hey guys. This is a white girl. She’s just going to sit over here in the corner and watch you hit balls around. It’s ok. She’s cool.”
And that’s what happened.
Moon really wanted to play with them ... God knows why, his volleyball skills are nothing to write home about, and the fact that he’s about 5-2 is cause for some concern ... but I wasn’t aware for his desire to ball, and thankfully wasn’t properly dressed.
After an exciting round of volleyball, Moon and I headed over to his house (or rather his 13th story apartment ... George Jefferson would be proud) to meet his adorable little family.
Moon introduced me to his wife, and we met up with his son Benjamin, who speaks really good English and is probably the most adorable thing ever.
So we did whatever anyone else would do on a Saturday afternoon, Moon’s wife made me strawberry juice and the family showed me the 7 (yeah, 7) photo albums full of pictures that they took during their European family vacation a couple years back.
For those of you who are lucky enough to be friends of mine on Facebook, or be able to see my Korean photos, rest assured that Moon’s picture-taking abilities far surpass my own.)
There was a picture of them in front of absolutely everything ... totally living up to the age old “I’m a Korean and I love to take pictures” stereotype.
“Hey ... here’s a rock ... let’s take a picture of it. And then with it. And then of it again, just incase it changed.”
“Oh look! It’s an escalator ... let’s take a picture of that too. And a picture of us standing on it. And maybe a picture of these white people standing on it, just for good measure.”
Among the many European pictures I viewed, I also saw a lovely portrait of a handsome older Korean man in a super fancy suit, hanging in their coat room. When I asked who the handsome man was Moon replied, “My dead father.” If that wasn’t awkward enough, they then posed for what seemed like a moment / eternity of silence, in the coat room.
If you’re ever in Asia, I would recommend not inquiring about any pictures of old people, as it’s about 80% sure that they are in fact deceased.
(Also made that mistake with the host-family circa August 2009.)
So after we all got our coats from the coat / dead man room, we headed to VIPS, the classiest of Western buffet restaurants. And it was absolutely delicious.
Anytime there is a buffet of something other than octopus and/or kimchi, I’m game.
Moon and his family treated me to an excellent lunch and some pretty stellar conversation ... topics including, but not limited to: religion, bread, movies, and Roachdale, Indiana.
During our day of fun, Moon also talked me up about this “amazing, Rauren, amazing!” movie he recently saw ... “The Blind Side”. He said it was the best movie he’d ever seen, and probably the best movie in the history of movies.
Quite intrigued, I told Moon I would see the movie later that weekend, to his delight.
He then asked me to e-mail him with my critique of the movie, writing to him as I would a friend.
So I did.
Saw the movie, and while it was pretty inspirational, I thought it was kind of lame and in no way should have Sandra Bullock an Oscar. I thought her portrayal as Gracie Hart in “Miss Congeniality 2: Armed and Fabulous” was much more convincing.
I have yet to hear back from Moon. I hope the friendship isn’t over.
My oldest host-sister, Eun Lae, recently informed me that “like Rauren ... take the bus!” She explained that last week she drove the side of her car into a guardrail, the one that lines the bridge outside of the house. So her car is now at the “car doctor”.
Again, not helping the whole “Asian-women-aren’t-the-best-drivers” stereotype.
My host-brother, Sang Che, recently visited a tarot card reader, because that’s just something you do when you’re 25 and a boy.
I think he was just too lazy to actually attempt to plan his life, so he thought he’d check out a fortune teller and make her do the job for him.
But said fortune teller wasn’t much help, in that her only advice / prediction was that Sang Che was too fat and should exercise more.
This was all told to me by my host-mother, who is also on the “Sang Che is fat” band wagon, and thought this was absolutely hilarious. And she’s pretty happy because she now has a reason to call her son fat.
Burn.
Fortune teller: 1
Sang Che: 0
In all fairness, Sang Che is no where close to “fat”. Granted, he’s no Rain .. but he’s definitely not “fat”.
I seriously just made a Rain joke. I need to leave Korea.
However, Sang Che’s 2 extra pounds of body fat are not keeping the ladies away. He recently started dating one of the smallest Korean girls I’ve ever seen, and a couple weeks ago brought her home for all of us to check out.
She is incredibly nice and speaks a fair amount of English, so I got to talk to her for a bit. She does, however, look like she’s about 12 years old. She claims to be a university student studying German, (because that’s a solid major choice ... German majors are in super high demand ... and I, as a Religious Studies major, know a thing or two about choosing practical majors) and to be only a few months younger than Sang Che, but throughout the entire course of the evening I could not stop wondering when she’d have to head home to prepare for her 5th grade spelling test the next day.
I really liked her and thought she was super sweet, as did pretty much the rest of my host-family, although host-mom was a little peeved that Sang Che didn’t call and tell us that he was bringing her over.
They arrived around 8pm, unbeknownst to any of us. Host-mom was wearing her usual hammer pants and giant, stained-with-hairdye t-shirt ... so she was a little embarrassed. She also didn’t have time to cut up the nice fruit, and we were stuck drinking orange juice.
Oh the troubles in Korea.
Host-mom still talks about it to this day.
And as far as I know, Sang Che and his new girlfriend are still dating, even though I hardly ever see him now that he’s moved out of the house and into his bro-pad.
Get it, Sang Che.
My lunchbox has recently become something of extreme celebrity at Hwasun High School. Many a teacher and student are enthralled with the fact that I eat food that was not prepared by the 20 old ladies behind the school’s cafeteria counter.
I mean, it is pretty marvelous, but come on.
There is one teacher in particular who finds this pretty interesting and often moseys over to my lunch seat to see exactly what I’ve got going on in my box.
After checking out the usual sandwich, salad, and fruit (all while touching just about every piece of food I have) she sometimes decides that it’s just too much food for one foreign girl to eat, and uninvitingly noms on my food.
And she’s usually right ... host-mom packs an obnoxious amount of food in my daily lunchbox (in addition to cutesy flowers and other foliage she finds in and around our house), but I’m starting to get pretty annoyed with this one particular song-sang-neem.
Fulbright Orientation definitely didn’t cover this topic in July.
I’m thinking of applying to give a supplemental talk this summer to all the incoming ETAs ... something along the lines of “Hey. There’s this one annoying teacher who won’t stop touching my sandwich. What should I do?”
Earlier this month, Hwasun High School had their semi-annual mid-term exams.
This was awesome for me (I got an entire week off from school!), not so awesome for my students.
During my free week I didn’t do anything or go anywhere.
Recently at school I’ve made some new teacher friends.
This is exciting because my new teacher friends aren’t 50+ years old (like every other teacher at Hwasun High School) and are super cool (which is pretty much my only friend requirement).
Two university students have started student-teaching at school in the art and science department. They both speak a good amount of English and when we’re not busy making students learn American culture or practice their anime drawings (guess which one I do) we usually hang out in the teacher’s room and do the whole “let’s learn about each other’s culture” thing. They’re super interested in my American-ness and it’s really cool for me to be able to talk to someone at school who didn’t just become a grandmother for the 3rd time.
(That also happened to one of my fellow teachers last week ... along with her turning the big Korean 6-0 (60) ... so she celebrated by bringing in a cake for all of us and wearing an extremely short mini-skirt to school.)
Happy Birthday.
The scary important superintendent for the Jeollonando province came to visit my school this week. It was an insanely big deal (so says my co-teacher) because he’s pretty much the guy that decides if it’s worth actually giving us our paychecks. So Hwasun High School rolled out the red carpet (literally, they put a maroon-like carpet walkway down in the library) and treated the guy like he was Jesus himself.
I’m not exactly sure what he and all the higher-ups at school talked about, because for some strange reason I wasn’t invited to the meeting, but I did get to meet and talk with him for a while.
He walked around and observed all the English classes during the 3rd period (and thankfully I didn’t teach 3rd period that day, or otherwise he would have walked directly into my legit American slang lesson where I taught the kids what it is to be fo shizzle crunk, while making it rain in da club with their dudebros and shawtys). So instead, I was appointed to walk around with the superintendent and observe classes with him.
This was pretty interesting, because I had never before sat in on a Korean teacher’s English class, and this was a perfect time to do so because with the superintendent there all the teachers taught only in English.
So I sat, listened, nodded my head like I thought I should, and saw how drastically different their classes are from mine.
And the superintendent looked impressed, so I’m still banking (pun) on getting a paycheck this month.
Went to Seoul a couple of weekends ago.
That was fun.
A couple dudes in the Fulbright program have started / are starting their own band / 2-person guitar thing and actually got a gig (as the once popular Uncle Jesse would say) at a sweet bar in Seoul. And after digging on their tunes and jams (which consisted of actual legit covers) the crowd was also treated to a performance of what one rather loud lady called Korea’s “up and coming ... you should watch them ... they are good” rap groups, “One Way”. They are actually American born Koreans who have migrated to Seoul (not unlike myself, save the whole “born Korean” thing) and have a pretty solid following both here and in the states.
And after legally downloading some of their tracks (emphasis on the “legally”) I have to agree that they’re pretty decent.
So ... blog plug ... check them out, if you don’t want to go down the “wrong way”.
I’m sorry, this blog post is shaping up to be sub-par with the puns.
Now, I don’t want you all to think that my life is just lollipops and rainbows ... or slacking off and going to bars (I’m talking to you, Grandma) ... I actually do some pretty important work when in school / the classroom.
Exhibit A:
A couple weeks ago I taught my students what I have deemed probably the best lesson ever ... provided that you’re an English teacher in Korea, with students who are pretty low level and like to make sexy jokes.
And that is exactly my situation.
Korean kids love them a sexy joke. And when not phrased properly, the jokes are even funnier.
So after teaching my students all the “cool” and “hip” slang terms that every American teenager uses on a regular basis, I armed them with some markers, a blank comic strip, and had them go at it.
For those of you who aren’t totally aware of what is “cool” and “hip” in America these days, here’s a rundown of what I thought was worthwhile to teach my Korean students.
Note: The majority of the things that I teach are now chosen only for my entertainment. And to create a strong understanding of each other’s culture. Duh.
But who doesn’t love hearing 35 Korean students attempt to pronounce “baller”?
Ripped straight from my Power Point:
Fo Shizzle - an alternative way to answer “yes”, or “affirmative”.
“Hey. Do you like Obama’s new health care plan?”
“Fo shizzle.”
Baller - meaning “awesome” ... and when students still don’t understand quite exactly what “awesome” is, “something that is really good”.
“Do you like squirrels?”
“Yes. They are baller.”
Shawty - how you (if you = Jay-Z) refer to your girlfriend (who is most likely a bootylicious black lady)
“Jay-Z, do you have a girlfriend?” “Yes. I have a shawty.”
Make it rain - a way to express spending large amounts of money (most likely on your shawty)
“That car is 40,000,000 won!” “It’s ok. I will make it rain.”
Legit - a synonym for “good”
“Did you get a good grade on the test?”
“Yes. It was legit.”
Crunk - when one is intoxicated
“Hey. You are 21 and responsible. What are you doing tonight?” “I am getting crunk with my friends.”
Woof - a reference to an extremely ugly person ... a la Buzz’s girlfriend ... “Home Alone”
“Is this boy attractive?”
“Woof.”
Get it - what one says when a friend is engaging in the fine art of flirting
(Because really, how could I come to Korea and not teach my students this?)
“Get it, Steve!”
Kicks - an alternative word for shoes
“Grab your kicks and lets go!”
Dude bro - an affectionate term for a dear friend
“Hey dude bro, want to play soccer today?”
What resulted was probably the best thing ever, no less great than if the Messiah himself decided to both take and participate in my conversational English class.
I was able to keep the comics and store them away in my “this is really awesome” file at school ... but I did take some pictures of my absolute favorite ones and uploaded them to Facebook. So check them out, friends.
I would post some here, but I’ve made it about 11 months so far without putting anything other than words out in the blog-world, so just check out my Facebook.
In addition to making my students super cool and spreading “get it” throughout Hwasun High School, I’ve also been letting them in on some other prized American culture in the form of song and dance. (That just sounds so much classier than, “I’ve shown them some music videos”.)
Students eat this stuff up.
What has been most popular is anything involving Lady Gaga (whom a good majority of the students think is either a man and/or transgender ... pretty sure that rumor started in Asia), Beyonce, and / or Justin Timberlake.
And I’m proud to say that after showing some classes Beyonce’s prized “Single Ladies” dance, it’s inspired them to learn part of her choreography and preform it at the annual Hwasun High School’s sports day, in front of the principal himself.
There is no greater joy than seeing your students dance to Beyonce in front of the super conservative, super intimidating school principal.
The scary important superintendent for the Jeollonando province came to visit my school this week. It was an insanely big deal (so says my co-teacher) because he’s pretty much the guy that decides if it’s worth actually giving us our paychecks. So Hwasun High School rolled out the red carpet (literally, they put a maroon-like carpet walkway down in the library) and treated the guy like he was Jesus himself.
I’m not exactly sure what he and all the higher-ups at school talked about, because for some strange reason I wasn’t invited to the meeting, but I did get to meet and talk with him for a while.
He walked around and observed all the English classes during the 3rd period (and thankfully I didn’t teach 3rd period that day, or otherwise he would have walked directly into my legit American slang lesson where I taught the kids what it is to be fo shizzle crunk, while making it rain in da club with their dudebros and shawtys). So instead, I was appointed to walk around with the superintendent and observe classes with him.
This was pretty interesting, because I had never before sat in on a Korean teacher’s English class, and this was a perfect time to do so because with the superintendent there all the teachers taught only in English.
So I sat, listened, nodded my head like I thought I should, and saw how drastically different their classes are from mine.
And the superintendent looked impressed, so I’m still banking (pun) on getting a paycheck this month.
I also had the great pleasure (pleasure being a stretch) of interviewing about 15 students who took part in an English competition.
Competition is also a stretch, in that it was basically some students who wrote an in-class essay about their favorite friend or trip ... which produced winning sentences like, “My best trip was Jeju, because airport suitcase machine is great.” ... or ... “My best friend is good because she is tall and handsome.”
So after the students wrote essays that would make the late Dr. King speechless / dreamless (pun) (does that even make sense?) they had to come talk to me for about 5 minutes about whatever I chose.
This meant that we talked mostly about their life’s ambitions, hopes, dreams, etc.
Or what their favorite boy band / anime show / hot Korean superstar is.
Last weekend I had the great honor to head down to Jeju for what looks to be the last time. (Insert strange Korean sad face here.)
It was about a million people’s birthdays, so some of the Jeju “crew” (the name given to them by God knows who) threw a birthday celebration for some of Fulbright’s most baller ETAs.
I won’t bore you with the long and tedious details of everything that was the Jeju birthday weekend ... because it was just that ... a snooze-fest.
False.
So I’ll bullet point you the high / low lights ... because there were definitely some of each.
The Jeju birthday bash was, but was not limited to:
Flight delay out of Gwangju - this sucked
Delicious macaroni and cheese - made with actual cheese (as much as processed cheese can pass as real cheese) instead of host-mom’s mayo
Super party-planning by Miss Ashley Pinney and Chelsey Taylor - feel special, only a select few earn blog-shout out status
Sweet tunes - both in the form of I-pod jamz and glorious Happy Birthday parodies (sung to the tune of the Eagle’s “Hotel California”) and a stellar Jeju Birthday mash-up
S’mores - “Oh hey there non-vegan Lauren, want a s’more?” Non-vegan Lauren: “mmhmp” (Too busy eating s’mores to talk.)
Extreme sleeping on super comfortable floor mats.
A day spent on one of Jeju’s finest beaches - I’m sure they’re all pretty fine, but seeing that it’s the first Jeju beach I’ve actually been to, and that I’ve now been to Jeju a total of 4 times, I thinking calling it anything than “fine” is just a tragedy.
Mexican food - pretty sure I gained at least 5 pounds this weekend. Happy Birthday.
Guy-liner made an appearance
Sexy hotel tunes - because who doesn’t love to clean the pool? Those UCLA ones are atrocious.
The Dome - actually happened, and that’s all I have to say about that.
Saw an elephant - that also actually happened.
More extreme sleeping on the floor.
Then an amazing 6 hour ferry ride back to the mainland - complete with more floor sleeping, farting old men, an ajumma giving me an entire bag of tomatoes, and getting ripped off during a taxi ride (which did not actually happen on the ferry, but worth mentioning)
And that was the Jeju birthday bash in a nutshell ... a very sparkly, lime-green nutshell.
And that was the past 50 million weeks ... I apologize again for not blogging in such a terribly long time.
But my grant year is almost over, and with that comes the un-welcomed frenzy of, “What are you going to do next year /slash/ the rest of your life? Because seriously, you have to do something.” And I blame my lack of blogging on just that.
If anyone has an idea of what that “something” is ... I’d be glad to hear it, because I’m getting a little annoyed doing the whole “chase your dreams” thing.
I’m too tired to be chasing my dreams. So I’m just going to ask them where they’re going and catch up with them later.
Totally can’t take credit for that great joke. Get it, Mr. Hedburg.
Until next time ...
(Which I promise won’t be in 50 million weeks.)
Blog.
Coming at you.
About 50 weekends ago I had the pleasure of visiting one of my teacher friends, his home, and his adorable little Korean family.
Moon teacher (as he asks me to call him ... because his Korean name is actually “Moon”) was one of my most favorite teachers last semester, but had to change schools in March, due to Korea’s making all public school teachers abandon ship (ship being their current school) every 3 years to find a new ship.
Well, actually the government finds them a new ship, they’re not like pirates or anything.
Anyways, last Saturday Moon invited me to his house, to meet his wife, and have lunch with the family. Moon has two sons, one of which is a first grade student of mine, Benjamin (note: this is the English name he chose in my class, and how Moon now refers to him. Pretty sure his actual Korean name is “Star” or something). So Moon came and picked me up at 9:30 am (because every Korean deems there should be at least 4 hours of “hang-ee out” time before lunch).
He first took me to his new school ... the “Gwangju Technology and Electricity High School” - at least that is what Moon called it. And even though his English isn’t stellar, I’m going to guess he was at least partially correct, in that the sign with the school’s name on it outside was about a mile long.
After a pretty sweet tour of the outside (which definitely put Hwasun High School to shame and quite possibly Gwangju University because the school grounds were roughly the size of a small town) he invited me into the gym to “watch-ee and play” volleyball with the high school’s volleyball team.
Moon teacher knows that I enjoy playing volleyball, and also that I’m not absolutely terrible at it (due to my previously mentioned volleyball domination during teachers’ sports day), so he thought it would be best for me to come and watch his high school boy’s volleyball team practice on Saturday morning.
Side-note: Moon’s high school boys’ volleyball team is supposedly the “best in the nation” as he explained ... which I think could very much be true, after watching them practice for a couple of hours.
These dudes were tall. I’m aware that I’ve been in Asia for almost a year, and that my definition of “tall” is now somewhat skewed, but these dudes were legit tall. I’d give them 6-5 / 6-6. Probably the tallest dudes I’ve seen in Asia in the past 10 months. Not including Yao Ming and that one guy who holds the “tallest man in the world” record. (But I’ve only seen them on TV, and we all know that TV adds about 2 feet, so Moon’s volleyball boys are currently the “tallest dudes in Asia”.)
So Moon and I watched them practice for about 2 hours. And yes, it was awkward. For everyone.
“Hey guys. This is a white girl. She’s just going to sit over here in the corner and watch you hit balls around. It’s ok. She’s cool.”
And that’s what happened.
Moon really wanted to play with them ... God knows why, his volleyball skills are nothing to write home about, and the fact that he’s about 5-2 is cause for some concern ... but I wasn’t aware for his desire to ball, and thankfully wasn’t properly dressed.
After an exciting round of volleyball, Moon and I headed over to his house (or rather his 13th story apartment ... George Jefferson would be proud) to meet his adorable little family.
Moon introduced me to his wife, and we met up with his son Benjamin, who speaks really good English and is probably the most adorable thing ever.
So we did whatever anyone else would do on a Saturday afternoon, Moon’s wife made me strawberry juice and the family showed me the 7 (yeah, 7) photo albums full of pictures that they took during their European family vacation a couple years back.
For those of you who are lucky enough to be friends of mine on Facebook, or be able to see my Korean photos, rest assured that Moon’s picture-taking abilities far surpass my own.)
There was a picture of them in front of absolutely everything ... totally living up to the age old “I’m a Korean and I love to take pictures” stereotype.
“Hey ... here’s a rock ... let’s take a picture of it. And then with it. And then of it again, just incase it changed.”
“Oh look! It’s an escalator ... let’s take a picture of that too. And a picture of us standing on it. And maybe a picture of these white people standing on it, just for good measure.”
Among the many European pictures I viewed, I also saw a lovely portrait of a handsome older Korean man in a super fancy suit, hanging in their coat room. When I asked who the handsome man was Moon replied, “My dead father.” If that wasn’t awkward enough, they then posed for what seemed like a moment / eternity of silence, in the coat room.
If you’re ever in Asia, I would recommend not inquiring about any pictures of old people, as it’s about 80% sure that they are in fact deceased.
(Also made that mistake with the host-family circa August 2009.)
So after we all got our coats from the coat / dead man room, we headed to VIPS, the classiest of Western buffet restaurants. And it was absolutely delicious.
Anytime there is a buffet of something other than octopus and/or kimchi, I’m game.
Moon and his family treated me to an excellent lunch and some pretty stellar conversation ... topics including, but not limited to: religion, bread, movies, and Roachdale, Indiana.
During our day of fun, Moon also talked me up about this “amazing, Rauren, amazing!” movie he recently saw ... “The Blind Side”. He said it was the best movie he’d ever seen, and probably the best movie in the history of movies.
Quite intrigued, I told Moon I would see the movie later that weekend, to his delight.
He then asked me to e-mail him with my critique of the movie, writing to him as I would a friend.
So I did.
Saw the movie, and while it was pretty inspirational, I thought it was kind of lame and in no way should have Sandra Bullock an Oscar. I thought her portrayal as Gracie Hart in “Miss Congeniality 2: Armed and Fabulous” was much more convincing.
I have yet to hear back from Moon. I hope the friendship isn’t over.
My oldest host-sister, Eun Lae, recently informed me that “like Rauren ... take the bus!” She explained that last week she drove the side of her car into a guardrail, the one that lines the bridge outside of the house. So her car is now at the “car doctor”.
Again, not helping the whole “Asian-women-aren’t-the-best-drivers” stereotype.
My host-brother, Sang Che, recently visited a tarot card reader, because that’s just something you do when you’re 25 and a boy.
I think he was just too lazy to actually attempt to plan his life, so he thought he’d check out a fortune teller and make her do the job for him.
But said fortune teller wasn’t much help, in that her only advice / prediction was that Sang Che was too fat and should exercise more.
This was all told to me by my host-mother, who is also on the “Sang Che is fat” band wagon, and thought this was absolutely hilarious. And she’s pretty happy because she now has a reason to call her son fat.
Burn.
Fortune teller: 1
Sang Che: 0
In all fairness, Sang Che is no where close to “fat”. Granted, he’s no Rain .. but he’s definitely not “fat”.
I seriously just made a Rain joke. I need to leave Korea.
However, Sang Che’s 2 extra pounds of body fat are not keeping the ladies away. He recently started dating one of the smallest Korean girls I’ve ever seen, and a couple weeks ago brought her home for all of us to check out.
She is incredibly nice and speaks a fair amount of English, so I got to talk to her for a bit. She does, however, look like she’s about 12 years old. She claims to be a university student studying German, (because that’s a solid major choice ... German majors are in super high demand ... and I, as a Religious Studies major, know a thing or two about choosing practical majors) and to be only a few months younger than Sang Che, but throughout the entire course of the evening I could not stop wondering when she’d have to head home to prepare for her 5th grade spelling test the next day.
I really liked her and thought she was super sweet, as did pretty much the rest of my host-family, although host-mom was a little peeved that Sang Che didn’t call and tell us that he was bringing her over.
They arrived around 8pm, unbeknownst to any of us. Host-mom was wearing her usual hammer pants and giant, stained-with-hairdye t-shirt ... so she was a little embarrassed. She also didn’t have time to cut up the nice fruit, and we were stuck drinking orange juice.
Oh the troubles in Korea.
Host-mom still talks about it to this day.
And as far as I know, Sang Che and his new girlfriend are still dating, even though I hardly ever see him now that he’s moved out of the house and into his bro-pad.
Get it, Sang Che.
My lunchbox has recently become something of extreme celebrity at Hwasun High School. Many a teacher and student are enthralled with the fact that I eat food that was not prepared by the 20 old ladies behind the school’s cafeteria counter.
I mean, it is pretty marvelous, but come on.
There is one teacher in particular who finds this pretty interesting and often moseys over to my lunch seat to see exactly what I’ve got going on in my box.
After checking out the usual sandwich, salad, and fruit (all while touching just about every piece of food I have) she sometimes decides that it’s just too much food for one foreign girl to eat, and uninvitingly noms on my food.
And she’s usually right ... host-mom packs an obnoxious amount of food in my daily lunchbox (in addition to cutesy flowers and other foliage she finds in and around our house), but I’m starting to get pretty annoyed with this one particular song-sang-neem.
Fulbright Orientation definitely didn’t cover this topic in July.
I’m thinking of applying to give a supplemental talk this summer to all the incoming ETAs ... something along the lines of “Hey. There’s this one annoying teacher who won’t stop touching my sandwich. What should I do?”
Earlier this month, Hwasun High School had their semi-annual mid-term exams.
This was awesome for me (I got an entire week off from school!), not so awesome for my students.
During my free week I didn’t do anything or go anywhere.
Recently at school I’ve made some new teacher friends.
This is exciting because my new teacher friends aren’t 50+ years old (like every other teacher at Hwasun High School) and are super cool (which is pretty much my only friend requirement).
Two university students have started student-teaching at school in the art and science department. They both speak a good amount of English and when we’re not busy making students learn American culture or practice their anime drawings (guess which one I do) we usually hang out in the teacher’s room and do the whole “let’s learn about each other’s culture” thing. They’re super interested in my American-ness and it’s really cool for me to be able to talk to someone at school who didn’t just become a grandmother for the 3rd time.
(That also happened to one of my fellow teachers last week ... along with her turning the big Korean 6-0 (60) ... so she celebrated by bringing in a cake for all of us and wearing an extremely short mini-skirt to school.)
Happy Birthday.
The scary important superintendent for the Jeollonando province came to visit my school this week. It was an insanely big deal (so says my co-teacher) because he’s pretty much the guy that decides if it’s worth actually giving us our paychecks. So Hwasun High School rolled out the red carpet (literally, they put a maroon-like carpet walkway down in the library) and treated the guy like he was Jesus himself.
I’m not exactly sure what he and all the higher-ups at school talked about, because for some strange reason I wasn’t invited to the meeting, but I did get to meet and talk with him for a while.
He walked around and observed all the English classes during the 3rd period (and thankfully I didn’t teach 3rd period that day, or otherwise he would have walked directly into my legit American slang lesson where I taught the kids what it is to be fo shizzle crunk, while making it rain in da club with their dudebros and shawtys). So instead, I was appointed to walk around with the superintendent and observe classes with him.
This was pretty interesting, because I had never before sat in on a Korean teacher’s English class, and this was a perfect time to do so because with the superintendent there all the teachers taught only in English.
So I sat, listened, nodded my head like I thought I should, and saw how drastically different their classes are from mine.
And the superintendent looked impressed, so I’m still banking (pun) on getting a paycheck this month.
Went to Seoul a couple of weekends ago.
That was fun.
A couple dudes in the Fulbright program have started / are starting their own band / 2-person guitar thing and actually got a gig (as the once popular Uncle Jesse would say) at a sweet bar in Seoul. And after digging on their tunes and jams (which consisted of actual legit covers) the crowd was also treated to a performance of what one rather loud lady called Korea’s “up and coming ... you should watch them ... they are good” rap groups, “One Way”. They are actually American born Koreans who have migrated to Seoul (not unlike myself, save the whole “born Korean” thing) and have a pretty solid following both here and in the states.
And after legally downloading some of their tracks (emphasis on the “legally”) I have to agree that they’re pretty decent.
So ... blog plug ... check them out, if you don’t want to go down the “wrong way”.
I’m sorry, this blog post is shaping up to be sub-par with the puns.
Now, I don’t want you all to think that my life is just lollipops and rainbows ... or slacking off and going to bars (I’m talking to you, Grandma) ... I actually do some pretty important work when in school / the classroom.
Exhibit A:
A couple weeks ago I taught my students what I have deemed probably the best lesson ever ... provided that you’re an English teacher in Korea, with students who are pretty low level and like to make sexy jokes.
And that is exactly my situation.
Korean kids love them a sexy joke. And when not phrased properly, the jokes are even funnier.
So after teaching my students all the “cool” and “hip” slang terms that every American teenager uses on a regular basis, I armed them with some markers, a blank comic strip, and had them go at it.
For those of you who aren’t totally aware of what is “cool” and “hip” in America these days, here’s a rundown of what I thought was worthwhile to teach my Korean students.
Note: The majority of the things that I teach are now chosen only for my entertainment. And to create a strong understanding of each other’s culture. Duh.
But who doesn’t love hearing 35 Korean students attempt to pronounce “baller”?
Ripped straight from my Power Point:
Fo Shizzle - an alternative way to answer “yes”, or “affirmative”.
“Hey. Do you like Obama’s new health care plan?”
“Fo shizzle.”
Baller - meaning “awesome” ... and when students still don’t understand quite exactly what “awesome” is, “something that is really good”.
“Do you like squirrels?”
“Yes. They are baller.”
Shawty - how you (if you = Jay-Z) refer to your girlfriend (who is most likely a bootylicious black lady)
“Jay-Z, do you have a girlfriend?” “Yes. I have a shawty.”
Make it rain - a way to express spending large amounts of money (most likely on your shawty)
“That car is 40,000,000 won!” “It’s ok. I will make it rain.”
Legit - a synonym for “good”
“Did you get a good grade on the test?”
“Yes. It was legit.”
Crunk - when one is intoxicated
“Hey. You are 21 and responsible. What are you doing tonight?” “I am getting crunk with my friends.”
Woof - a reference to an extremely ugly person ... a la Buzz’s girlfriend ... “Home Alone”
“Is this boy attractive?”
“Woof.”
Get it - what one says when a friend is engaging in the fine art of flirting
(Because really, how could I come to Korea and not teach my students this?)
“Get it, Steve!”
Kicks - an alternative word for shoes
“Grab your kicks and lets go!”
Dude bro - an affectionate term for a dear friend
“Hey dude bro, want to play soccer today?”
What resulted was probably the best thing ever, no less great than if the Messiah himself decided to both take and participate in my conversational English class.
I was able to keep the comics and store them away in my “this is really awesome” file at school ... but I did take some pictures of my absolute favorite ones and uploaded them to Facebook. So check them out, friends.
I would post some here, but I’ve made it about 11 months so far without putting anything other than words out in the blog-world, so just check out my Facebook.
In addition to making my students super cool and spreading “get it” throughout Hwasun High School, I’ve also been letting them in on some other prized American culture in the form of song and dance. (That just sounds so much classier than, “I’ve shown them some music videos”.)
Students eat this stuff up.
What has been most popular is anything involving Lady Gaga (whom a good majority of the students think is either a man and/or transgender ... pretty sure that rumor started in Asia), Beyonce, and / or Justin Timberlake.
And I’m proud to say that after showing some classes Beyonce’s prized “Single Ladies” dance, it’s inspired them to learn part of her choreography and preform it at the annual Hwasun High School’s sports day, in front of the principal himself.
There is no greater joy than seeing your students dance to Beyonce in front of the super conservative, super intimidating school principal.
The scary important superintendent for the Jeollonando province came to visit my school this week. It was an insanely big deal (so says my co-teacher) because he’s pretty much the guy that decides if it’s worth actually giving us our paychecks. So Hwasun High School rolled out the red carpet (literally, they put a maroon-like carpet walkway down in the library) and treated the guy like he was Jesus himself.
I’m not exactly sure what he and all the higher-ups at school talked about, because for some strange reason I wasn’t invited to the meeting, but I did get to meet and talk with him for a while.
He walked around and observed all the English classes during the 3rd period (and thankfully I didn’t teach 3rd period that day, or otherwise he would have walked directly into my legit American slang lesson where I taught the kids what it is to be fo shizzle crunk, while making it rain in da club with their dudebros and shawtys). So instead, I was appointed to walk around with the superintendent and observe classes with him.
This was pretty interesting, because I had never before sat in on a Korean teacher’s English class, and this was a perfect time to do so because with the superintendent there all the teachers taught only in English.
So I sat, listened, nodded my head like I thought I should, and saw how drastically different their classes are from mine.
And the superintendent looked impressed, so I’m still banking (pun) on getting a paycheck this month.
I also had the great pleasure (pleasure being a stretch) of interviewing about 15 students who took part in an English competition.
Competition is also a stretch, in that it was basically some students who wrote an in-class essay about their favorite friend or trip ... which produced winning sentences like, “My best trip was Jeju, because airport suitcase machine is great.” ... or ... “My best friend is good because she is tall and handsome.”
So after the students wrote essays that would make the late Dr. King speechless / dreamless (pun) (does that even make sense?) they had to come talk to me for about 5 minutes about whatever I chose.
This meant that we talked mostly about their life’s ambitions, hopes, dreams, etc.
Or what their favorite boy band / anime show / hot Korean superstar is.
Last weekend I had the great honor to head down to Jeju for what looks to be the last time. (Insert strange Korean sad face here.)
It was about a million people’s birthdays, so some of the Jeju “crew” (the name given to them by God knows who) threw a birthday celebration for some of Fulbright’s most baller ETAs.
I won’t bore you with the long and tedious details of everything that was the Jeju birthday weekend ... because it was just that ... a snooze-fest.
False.
So I’ll bullet point you the high / low lights ... because there were definitely some of each.
The Jeju birthday bash was, but was not limited to:
Flight delay out of Gwangju - this sucked
Delicious macaroni and cheese - made with actual cheese (as much as processed cheese can pass as real cheese) instead of host-mom’s mayo
Super party-planning by Miss Ashley Pinney and Chelsey Taylor - feel special, only a select few earn blog-shout out status
Sweet tunes - both in the form of I-pod jamz and glorious Happy Birthday parodies (sung to the tune of the Eagle’s “Hotel California”) and a stellar Jeju Birthday mash-up
S’mores - “Oh hey there non-vegan Lauren, want a s’more?” Non-vegan Lauren: “mmhmp” (Too busy eating s’mores to talk.)
Extreme sleeping on super comfortable floor mats.
A day spent on one of Jeju’s finest beaches - I’m sure they’re all pretty fine, but seeing that it’s the first Jeju beach I’ve actually been to, and that I’ve now been to Jeju a total of 4 times, I thinking calling it anything than “fine” is just a tragedy.
Mexican food - pretty sure I gained at least 5 pounds this weekend. Happy Birthday.
Guy-liner made an appearance
Sexy hotel tunes - because who doesn’t love to clean the pool? Those UCLA ones are atrocious.
The Dome - actually happened, and that’s all I have to say about that.
Saw an elephant - that also actually happened.
More extreme sleeping on the floor.
Then an amazing 6 hour ferry ride back to the mainland - complete with more floor sleeping, farting old men, an ajumma giving me an entire bag of tomatoes, and getting ripped off during a taxi ride (which did not actually happen on the ferry, but worth mentioning)
And that was the Jeju birthday bash in a nutshell ... a very sparkly, lime-green nutshell.
And that was the past 50 million weeks ... I apologize again for not blogging in such a terribly long time.
But my grant year is almost over, and with that comes the un-welcomed frenzy of, “What are you going to do next year /slash/ the rest of your life? Because seriously, you have to do something.” And I blame my lack of blogging on just that.
If anyone has an idea of what that “something” is ... I’d be glad to hear it, because I’m getting a little annoyed doing the whole “chase your dreams” thing.
I’m too tired to be chasing my dreams. So I’m just going to ask them where they’re going and catch up with them later.
Totally can’t take credit for that great joke. Get it, Mr. Hedburg.
Until next time ...
(Which I promise won’t be in 50 million weeks.)
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