Where's Waldo? Check the vacuum.

So a foreigner walks into a bar.
The beginnings of any good joke ... and pretty much my life for the past 8 months.
Just switch out “bar” with “Korea” and the good times ensue.
Although many a Korean bar has been visited by myself and other Fulbright friends.
But that's neither here nor there.

The past couple weeks I undertook the extremely difficult challenge of teaching my students about St. Patrick’s Day and all that is the glorious Irish-American holiday. The fact that this is probably the most difficult thing I had to do all week (besides change the paper in the stupid I-don't-ever-want-to-work-for-the-foreigner copier in teachers’ office) is more than ok with me.
While explaining the cultural and aesthetic significance of wearing green, drinking green beer, dying various American canals green (which many of my students exclaimed, “Planet hurt!”), and explaining exactly what a leprechaun is, I think it’s safe to say that Hwasun High School can check one more thing off their “Know more stuff about America” list.
When I began my St. Patrick’s Day lesson, I figured the majority of students would have some idea what it’s about ... in that they all basically understood Halloween (costume = candy). However, I was completely wrong. Not a single student had even an inkling about what St. Patrick’s Day is.
Not being Irish, or a St. Patrick’s Day enthusiast, I wasn’t completely devastated, and it did provide quite the chuckle when I first asked them to explain to me what they thought people did on this particular holiday.
I gave them a couple minutes to think, then had them tell me what they thought Americans do/should do on this most sacred of holidays.
While I got the standard, “Americans visit family” ... or “Americans eat delicious foods” ... there were some jewels.
Now I’m not saying that I think we (‘mericans) should start implementing these into our standard St. Patrick’s Day celebrations ... but here are some suggestions from my Korean students:

“Americans should play computer games. All day.”
“Kill things.”
“Sleep forever.”
“Eat ham.”
“Kiss the boyfriends.”
“Play the soccer.”

Just think about it. Playing the soccer after eating ham and killing things, sounds like a good time to me.

In addition to sharing with my students the awesomeness of St. Patrick’s Day, I also introduced them to Waldo (of Where’s Waldo fame), in hopes that they would be more excited to practice giving directions in English.
So after a crash course / refresher of important English directional terms (left, right, across from the 7-11), I allowed a couple students to hide paper Waldo cut-outs in various places around the classroom (in the window, in multiple pencil cases, in the vacuum (hindsight - not the best idea), in their shirts, etc) and instructed the rest of the students to give directions to the poor kid I blindfolded at the front of the class. With a few exceptions, this turned out to be a pretty great lesson, as most students genuinely wanted their classmate to find Waldo and not wander aimlessly about the classroom. Although I did have those interesting moments when students (specifically boys) would tell their blindfolded friend to walk straight (towards a pretty girl), bend down (which for some reason they would do), and “Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!” ... which thankfully, they didn't. I also had some other, more mischievous students, lead the blindfolded kid out of the classroom, around the hallways, back into the classroom, and eventually to Waldo. While this wasn’t the most practical or orthodox of lessons, they were using English, so I let it slide.
This provided me with much entertainment ... something I’m desperately need in order to survive teaching the same lesson 18 times a week.
I’ve now determined that all future lessons will be chosen/created on the basis of exactly how much entertainment they provide me. While word-searches somehow have a magical silencing effect on high schoolers, they are not nearly as entertaining as watching the class-clown dig through the vacuum cleaner in hopes of finding Waldo, or listening to about 30 students attempt to pronounce the sentence, “I really like lilies.”

Last week, while in the midst of explaining the difference between “fart” and “smell” (which did happen) ... the school nurse barged into my classroom and demanded that all my students stop class and pee on sticks.
As this request was carried out only in Korean, I had absolutely no idea what was going on and was pretty confused when all my students stood up and ran to the bathroom together.
The school nurse, who speaks little to no English, showed me one of the sticks, and just kept saying “test, test, test”.
When some of my students returned to class (pee sticks in hand) I asked them what was going on, only to be met with a myriad of responses:
“We pee on this.” Ok. Ew.
“Pee test, Rauren.” Oh. We’re getting somewhere.
“I am the best!” (said while waving around the used pee stick) Congratulations. Stop that.
Then my husband, who speaks a tad bit better English, informed me that it was a school-wide pee test - testing every student for what he called “drugs”, followed by the cigarette smoking motion.
That makes more sense.
(I later found out that this wasn’t a drug test, but instead a test to check each student’s sugar levels, in an attempt to find diabetic kids. This still seems strange, but whatever.)
Anyways, the school-wide pee test resulted in a 15 minute disruption of my class, where the entire student body was running around school, to and from the bathrooms, waving their pee sticks in triumph.
Girls and boys.
I don’t exactly understand why it was a good idea for every single class to be tested at the same time, as this caused what can only be described as complete and utter chaos in the restrooms / hallways.
I also don’t understand why the nurse and/or teachers didn’t collect the pee sticks in the restrooms, but instead felt like having the students run around the hallways with their used pee sticks was a better idea.
Additionally, I was offered about 5 or so used pee sticks as “gifts” ... while students exclaimed, “Oh Rauren, my gift for you” ... “I made for you.”
No thanks. I can make my own. I don’t need yours.

While not busy being the cultural ambassador to Hwasun and trying to avoid sticks with my students’ urine on them, I found some time to visit friends around my area - in two different cities, Gurye and Jeonju. Both are “cities” in my province ... making a visit not only necessary, but super easy via the Korean public transportation system. So I hopped on a bus and an hour and a half later found myself in Gurye ... a town that (no joke) makes Hwasun look like a booming metropolis, except for the whole Clark Kent / Superman thing. Gurye is a city known for two things - the two stoplights that it proudly owns. Also, my friend Beans lives there. And when she wasn’t busy getting hit by cars (yeah, that happened) she gave us a tour.
So after the 20 minutes or so it took for her to show us the entire town, we headed to a nearby flower festival - one of only a billion festivals that Korea boasts of.
This particular festival was one for the record books. The record books that record “mediocre, not too exciting festivals”.
To be perfectly honest, I’ve found that during my time spent in Korea the festivals that are supposed to be “Awesome!” and “Super cool!” are in fact, not that “Awesome!” and not that “Super cool!”
I feel that I now have the credibility to judge Korean festivals (8 months gives you that somewhat “pretentious” ability). And I must admit that the festivals that I have visited (Chrysanthemum, Kimchi, Green Tea, Fire, Flower) have been built up immensely - by Koreans, the Korean tourism web-site, fellow ETAs, practically the Buddha himself, only to be shattered by their so-so-ness.
But, you have to give Koreans some points for trying so hard ... celebrating that which would usually not be celebrated ... but I think it’s safe to say that I’ve had my fill of Korean festivals.
Most festivals include about 500+ stands selling various obscure food items, some type of “traditional” thing (i.e. dancing, music, rope making) that I feel is only thrown in there to make it more legit, and usually awful weather. The Gurye flower festival was no exception to this new rule I just created. The weather was pretty awful ... come on Korea, stop sucking in the weather department ... and it was basically an open field with many a gross food stand, some traditional dancers (who looked as if they stepped off the “Alice in Wonderland” set), and some flowers. In the parking lot.
The entire Flower Festival, which advertised one thing and one thing only - flowers - had no flowers. Not even fake ones. With that, I was completely disappointed.
It should be noted that most every Korean city has some type of festival, be it large or small, only because most cities receive so much money from the government they have nothing else to do with it, so they hold a festival, spice up the town a little. However, I would much more appreciate a Spice Girls concert, instead of a flower festival without flowers.
Anyways, I had a pretty good time with my friends, wandering around the festival, checking out the latest ajumma fashions, and witnessing an authentic re-enactment of traditional Native American flute playing.
Really.
Apparently an old Korean guy thought the festival was lacking just one thing: him dressed in head to toe Native American (can I say “Indian” here?) gear, playing some type of wooden flute. I was thoroughly engrossed in it for 5 minutes.
It was that good.

After getting my fill of Gurye and its flowers, I headed over to Jeonju ... a fairly large city, known for having the most delicious bi-bim-bap in Korea, and thus the world. (And that’s saying a lot.)
Bi-bim-bap (a dish with rice, various vegetables, sometimes an egg, and some spicy red sauce/paste - gotuchang ... not ketchup) just happens to be my favorite Korean food ... next to live octopus and dog, of course. So while in Jeonju I by-passed the standard sightseeing “stand here, look at that, take a picture” and instead spent a glorious night with some ETA friends.
But I did manage to eat some delicious bi-bim-bap ... and it was the best I’ve had in Korea so far. Now I know that I’m probably biased a little bit because it’s supposed to be “most delicious” ... and the fact that I don’t really know how to accurately judge the deliciousness of Korean foods (festivals, on the other hand, are a different story). But I went with the crowd and agreed that it was probably the best ever.
And while the time spent in Jeonju consisted mostly of: spending an evening at a local bar with friends, hearing some white girl rap, being asked to “keep it down” in said bar, and eating more Papa John’s pizza than should be allowed ... I had a fabulous time.

If anyone is interested: In my time spent as “cultural ambassador” (I block off selected times in which I hold this title) I’ve discussed, to the best of my ability, the recent passing of the health care bill with my host-family, some students, church-lady friends, and fellow teachers. Basically getting their take on the whole “USA marching their way towards communism and doing their best to speed up the coming of the Antichrist” thing. And surprisingly, absolutely every single Korean I have spoken with thinks this whole health care thing is a pretty sweet move on our part, wondering why the US hadn’t done something like this earlier.
Not to get all soap-boxy (because this is a blog, and not a bathroom), but nice job America. The Koreans give you two thumbs / peace signs way up.

Also ... discussing health care legislation allows me to address important and urgent questions like these, which are inevitably brought to the forefront of discussion:
“How do Americans clean their ears? Do they use Q-tips?” - courtesy of my co-teacher.

This past weekend (Gurye and Jeonju were two weekends ago. Keep up.) I ventured into Gwangju to enjoy the performance of a couple fellow ETAs, in their Korean debut as “Boomerang” - basically two guys, with guitars, who bring all the hits to Korea. They actually managed to book a gig (is that still cool to say?) at a Gwangju bar called “Crazyhorse” (Koreans love them some Native Americans) and jammed (is this acceptable slang?) for a couple hours. Playing hits such as, “She’ll be coming around the Mountain”, a currently popular K-pop hit “외톨이야”, and even some of their own stuff, they were able to please absolutely everyone in the bar - “absolutely everyone” being their foreign friends, as the “locals” were not to be found.

So that was basically my past week and a half, nicely packaged and brought to you in “Lauren’s blog”. I keep telling myself that I will eventually get around to coming up with a more interesting and exciting title than the current, “Fulbright Korea 2009 - 2010” ... but then, why change something that I don’t want to take the time to change?
Also ... I’ve been meaning to figure out how to get a snazzy template for my blog (I mean, if I’m going to own some Internet real-estate, it might as well be fancy) but again, I don’t necessarily know how / have the burning desire to do it. And besides, I don’t want to scare away all my precious readers with a sparkly stars background, or by blasting the latest emo song into their headphones.
With that, make sure to check back next week - to find that I’ve changed nothing, but have hopefully posted what went down in Jeju.
(I am heading to Jeju Island this Wednesday to help chaperon my school’s first grade students on their annual field trip, and take part in the 2nd Fulbright Korea ETA Conference.)
The first should be an adventure, because taking 250 Korean high schoolers anywhere is always a good idea ... and during the latter, I’m hoping to find out exactly what I’m supposed to be doing here in Korea. I’m not sure if i get it yet.

Back to life, back to reality. School is so "En Vogue".

So I’d thought I’d update my blog.
I mean, it’s not like I haven’t waited long enough already.
And this time I’ll try not to write such a long one ... as I’ve heard some complaints that my last one was “too long”. I forgot that it was illegal to read more than 2,000 words at once. Sorry.

I’m actually writing this entry in a coffee shop, something I’ve never done before. I’ve found that since living in Korea I have become more keen on the idea of bringing my laptop to a coffee shop, ordering some hot chocolate (because, let’s face it ... I’m not grown up enough for coffee yet), and acting like I have important work to do.
And I’ve found that I am surprisingly more productive in a public setting. As I usually do all my work (work consists of lesson planning, e-mailing, and blogging - tough, I know) in the comfort of my own room, usually in my pajamas, I’ve found that this causes me to fall victim to sleep and general procrastination. So I’m now surrounded by even more Asians, and attempting to look like I have a really important job that necessitates me working from a coffee shop.

Things have been pretty exciting over here in Korea. It’s March ... which means not only is this the season for madness, but also for the second semester of school to begin.
However, I should first relate all that happened during the end of my winter break, after I returned back to Korea from traveling in and around South East Asia.
I visited Jeju for a second time ... Jeju being Korea’s largest island ... located somewhere either southeast or southwest of Korea (it depends on exactly which map you are looking). Just think Hawaii meets Asia, minus the whole volcano thing and plus a few extra tons of mandarins.
The main reason of my trip to Jeju was twofold: some of my friends who live on the island decided to turn 23, and it also happened to be the week of the self-proclaimed “awesome Jeju Fire Festival”. So I hopped on a plane hoping to see some fire ... both in the form of a festival and probably some on a couple birthday candles.
The birthday festivities were glorious, and I had a stellar time. The fire on the birthday cake was awesome.
However the fire at the festival paled in comparison to that which I witnessed on the birthday cake. Seriously.
The festival was held in in what appeared to be (I would say hell ... but there’s fire in hell) a constant rainstorm. The entire week/weekend was dreary and rainy, which I’ve heard isn’t too conducive to fire. So we rolled up to the festival in Jeju’s finest airport bus and witnessed a large field filled with Korean selling various things (including but not limited to squid, model airplanes, corn-dogs, and oranges). If that doesn’t scream Korean festival, I don’t know what does.
Besides the many street vendors, there was a pretty awesome mountain hidden behind what I can only deem to be the foggiest fog ever. From what I understand, the mountain was supposed to be lit on fire, however since no one could find it (I’m guessing they didn’t check behind all the fog) it was not. So we wandered around for a while and found the second greatest attraction ... a rope making contest.
I’m sure you all know how much I love a good rope making contest, so I squeezed my way to the front of the crowd (easily bypassing the other 4 people who were watching) and took some pretty stellar pictures to commemorate the moment I watched twine being turned into rope.
It’s the small things in life.
After we had our fill of no fire and some good rope, we headed out, thinking our time would be best spent hanging out and watching Kim Yu Na’s gold medal performances for the 25th time.

Side-note: Kim Yu Na is pretty much the Korean crack/krack over here. She’s basically the equivalent of all 3 Jonas brothers rolled into one giant sandwich, with a side dish of Hannah Montana, and topped off with an Obama after dinner mint.
I’ve seriously never seen anyone more loved, respected, and worshipped outside of God the Father himself.
They literally play her Olympic performances back to back, day after day. They do, however, take some time out to also replay the performances of other Japanese and Western figure skaters, only to exclaim how sucky they are in comparison.
Continuing this side-note (so really, more like a side paragraph) Olympic coverage here has been pretty subpar ... if that reference is even viable seeing that golf isn’t a winter sport. The only things really given any thought in Korea were figure skating (see above), speed skating, figure skating, bobsled, figure skating, and a couple minutes were usually dedicated to how big of a douche Apollo Ohno is. Although, to be honest, I really didn’t keep up much with the Olympics ... in that my host family doesn’t have a TV emits anything but green static. So I don’t know if I should be your go-to person for all things Korean and Olympic ... but really, what other option do you have?
A newspaper? We all know that no one reads those things anymore.

So, without further adieu ... it’s that time of year again (Well yes, it is tax time) ... but it’s also back to school time, if you currently live in the Western hemisphere.
In Korea, the new school year starts in early March, meaning I now have a job again and am no longer allowed to travel around and/or stay in my pajamas until noon. But returning back to my grown up life isn’t too bad, although it can’t quite compare to seeing new and exciting places, while eating only samosas and chocolate soymilk ... which did, I’m proud to say, happen.
The new school year has brought many things to Hwasun High School. Things such as 300 new first grade students (brought up from the middle school semi-pro leagues), a new teacher’s office for me (this one even has a heater!), a brand new co-teacher (well, not really “brand-new”, in that she’s about 50 years old), and around 20 new fellow teachers, most of whom I thoroughly enjoy.
The new semester started off really well, as long as “really well” means not knowing when/where/whom I teach, not having a desk for about 2 days, and realizing that during winter break my school decided it’s totally cool for the construction crew to come through my old office and literally throw my belongings everywhere. Everywhere.
I had a pair of socks I keep at school (for, like, when my feet get cold ... folded up in a ball, like you taught me, Mom) and when I came back my socks were literally at the farthest parts of my old office, no longer paired together.
I have no idea why anyone would want to touch my socks, yet alone throw them around, but the Korean construction workers evidentially had a ball with them. (Although it wasn’t an actual ball, because they were no longer balled together).
So my first couple days at work (besides teaching classes) was spent reorganizing absolutely everything that I once had organized, and put my school-life back together again.
Because everyone knows that my real adult-life is shamble-less.
(That last sentence was intended to be sarcastic, not pretentious.)
However, my new functioning teacher’s office is great ... way better than the cold hole I once was subjected to.
There’s heat, teachers that enjoy talking to me, and a printer that works. Anything and everything a girl could ask for.
As I said earlier, my school got many new teachers this year ... some of which are awesome, and some of which I’m pretty sure are kind of terrified of me.
Korea’s public school system forces its teachers to change or rotate schools every 3 years or so ... not allowing teachers to remain at the same school for very long. This means that every couple years a whole new batch of teachers are shipped in to Hwasun, and many leave to teach at different schools.
I’m not totally sure how I feel about this ... it has its goods and bads. Students can never fully form good relationships with many teachers, if they are constantly leaving, and it also shuffles important school work (like Lauren’s paycheck) to various teachers and administrators, some of whom have no idea what they’re doing.
However, the new teachers are really nice ... and it’s oddly gratifying when they come to me with questions, seeing as I’m now one of the “more experienced” teachers.
Even if those questions mostly involve the location of certain things, i.e. bathroom, printer, etc. It still makes me feel important.
I also got a new co-teacher (pretty sure I already mentioned that) and she’s legit. She’s way more helpful with things around school and seems to enjoy doing her job. Not that my other co-teacher wasn’t great ... but she didn’t seem all into the “let’s help the foreigner” thing as much as my new one is. Also, she speaks way better English, and seems pretty proud of it. She actually speaks to the students in English (something none of the other English teachers do ... even me, I use French) and the students seem pretty entertained with it, when they’re not horribly confused.
And for punishment, my new co-teacher often has rowdy students come to our office in pairs and rehearse a dialogue together, where one is always Oprah Winfry, and the other is a random guest.
I seriously love this part of school.
If i could just make my students speak to me like Oprah Winfry all day, I totally would. Maybe even get one of those yellow couches for them to jump on.
As for my new students, they all seem pretty decent. I’ve not had any trouble with them, yet, and they all seem to be way into the whole “American” thing I’ve going for me.
There are two other foreign English teachers in Hwasun, who work at the two middle schools (and apparently want nothing to do with me). They’re both Canadian, so I can only assume that they’d rather be playing ice-hockey or getting free health care than hanging out with me. However, my students think my being from America is infinitely more awesome than being from Canada, and rightfully so.
One class even applauded when I told them I was born and raised in the USA. Then we sang some Toby Keith and had fake gun fights. But that’s neither here nor there.

I saw recently saw “Alice in Wonderland”. I know that’s not really exciting, because most of you probably saw it too ... but I wanted to point out that I’m not too far removed from all things American and wonderful.
I thoroughly enjoyed the movie ... so much better than Avatar ... but then again, what isn’t?
Titanic.

Last week my co-teacher came to me with “an important English question”. And seeing that I’ve pretty much got the right-of-way when it comes to important English things, I had to tactfully explain to her the best way in which to phrase a new sign they’re making for my high school.
Apparently the school has taken it upon itself to make English signs for each room in the school ... something I welcome with open arms.
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve accidentally wandered into the cafeteria, thinking it was the restroom. Actually, I can. It’s zero times.
But my school thought this would be hip and cool and show how “international” they are ... so they presented me with the question, “How do we best phrase ‘Sex difficulties counseling room’.
One, I had no idea that room ever existed. Two, why is it necessary to have an entire room dedicated to that one topic? And what exactly does that entail? In a country where opposite-sex hand-holding is pretty much forbidden until you’re at least 25, I seriously question what’s going on in there.
But I told them it would probably be best to go with an acronym. Something like “SDR” ... “Sex Difficulties Room”.
You had no idea how hard it was for me not to suggest something like “Sexy-Time Room”.

I’m now taking my own lunch to school. Now I know what you are all thinking, “Man, I really was concerned about Lauren’s whole lunch situation.” ... Well, thankfully I’m informing you now. In December I found out (and by “found out” I mean my co-teacher finally decided to tell me) that since August I’ve been paying about 2,000 won a day (roughly $2,000 ... just kidding ... about $2.00) for my lunch - which usually consists of white rice and a spoonful of kimchi that I always put on my plate to make it look like I actually like the stuff.
I decided that this was pretty sucky, so I asked my co-teacher if I could start bringing my lunch, and hopefully stop paying for the fermented cabbage that always finds it way to the trash can.
I got the school’s approval (asking nicely and trying not to appear like I’m throwing up a big “suck it” to the school cafeteria) and am now happily toting a giant blue lunchbox to school everyday. My host-mom gladly makes my lunch every morning, which is great. However, this does mean that I now get a surprise “look what I put in your lunchbox!” every afternoon.
She always puts in way too much food ... thinking that not only is she feeding a growing American girl (I’m always growing) but also the entire American army that I brought with me.
Lunch usually consists of: a salad (with mayonnaise dressing ... because seriously, who doesn’t love mayonnaise?), 3 oranges (I like to juggle during lunchtime), about 10 cookies (I should gain about 30 pounds, right?), and always one of the most original / inventive / absolutely crazy sandwiches I’ve ever eaten.
And the term “sandwich” is used loosely. Anything that is smushed between two pieces of bread can constitute a sandwich, so thinks my host-mom. So I usually end up eating something like this: a peanut butter - apple jelly - fried egg - cabbage - mayonnaise - tofu - cucumber - whole strawberries sandwich. I only wish I was making that up.
But honestly, it’s way more delicious than anything that comes out of the school’s cafeteria. Except for the yogurt. That stuff is legit.

This past week there has been about 20 various flower arrangements delivered to the house ... all about 3 feet tall. This means two things. One, the house smells like the inside of a Yankee’s Candle store (something I’m not too fond of). And two, I now get cutesy little flowers in my lunchbox everyday ... usually the almost dead ones my host-mom chops off the arrangements and sticks next to my glorified sandwiches.
The flowers are a result of my host-sister Eun Lae’s (the grown up one, not the high schooler) new job as a middle school art teacher.
When I arrived in Korea, I was told (by my host family) that Eun Lae was still an undergrad art student. Fine. About 2 months later I was then informed that Eun Lae isn’t a student, but actually teaches classes at a local university in Gwangju. Ok. However about 2 more months later my host-mom told me Eun Lae just started taking classes for her PhD. Alright. (I’m guessing she’ll be a UN diplomat sometime within the next few months ...)
However, last week I was told she recently applied, tested, and interviewed for a teaching job at a local Gwangju middle school ... and surprise, she got it. In Korea, teaching jobs are extremely difficult to come by (so long as you’re not an English speaking foreigner with a 5th grade diploma). And when I say “extremely difficult to come by”, I mean just that.
Unlike in the states, teachers here (of all subjects / caliber) are super duper respected ... something about them being smart or whatever. And in a country where knowledge is valued, teaching is one of the most desired professions among my generation, and even my students’ generation (If we’re not in the same generation ... I have always been confused as to when one generation ends and another one begins).
So competition is fierce (just imagine Tyra Banks saying that) among want to be teachers. Eun Lae first had to pass a written exam ... and only the top 3 scores were then asked back for an interview. She made it through (as expected) and apparently had good interview skills because she is now the proud owner of a brand new job. Something about 10% of American’s sadly can’t say.
This means I now see her less and less ... as she is now at school and/or with her boyfriend about 23 hours out of the day. I also lost my ride to school.

I was walking home last week, leaving school, and one of the most hilarious / amazingly disgusting things happened to me. I left at the time in the afternoon when students are allowed to get snacks and be outside of their classrooms for more than 5 minutes ... and I came across a group of 3rd grade boys (ones I taught last semester) who started asking me the standard questions:
“Where going you?” “Why going there?” “How handsome am I?”
As we were talking, one boy started retelling a story that happened in my class last year (Basically a time I started freaking out on a kid who I thought punched another kid, only to find out that it was one of those fake punch things with the loud noise - which is still really douchey). One kid started to laugh ... and laugh so hard that he vomited up all the ice cream he was then eating. In the school parking lot. Everywhere.
I found this extremely hilarious, but another student was so appalled by his fellow classmate’s behavior (that he would vomit in front of a teacher ... a foreign teacher, no less) exclaimed, “Rauren! I protect you!” and ran over to stand in the pile of vomit, so as to shield my eyes from it.
This has now made its way up to the very top of “Lauren’s best vomit stories”.

Last week my school decided to do some standardized testing (along with every other high school in Korea) ... so this meant that I had the day off work. Never did I think I would come to love standardized testing as much as I now do.
On this particular day off from school, I visited my friend Rachael who lives and teaches at a girls middle school in Mokpo. I had never visited or observed a school other than my own (I visit and observe Hwasun High School like it’s my job) ... so this trip to Mokpo was pretty interesting, in that I got to witness another Fulbright teacher teach, at a school that was strikingly different from my own. For one thing, all her middle school students were much smaller than mine. But that’s pretty much a given.
What I found particularly interesting was how different the classroom and overall school atmosphere was, when there are no male students and only a handful of male teachers.
As the Spice Girls would say, they’re really employing some “Girl Power!”.
At Hwasun High School the gender ratio of students is about 50 - 50%, male and female, respectively. And as my classes are also mixed gender, the classroom is usually always about split down the middle with boy and girl students. I’ve found that in my mixed gender classes the boys are usually the ones who dominate the class ... in both good and bad ways. In a country (Korea) where gender equality isn’t what I would call “equal”, Korean males usually have a larger and somewhat more respected place in society, and in the classroom.
I mean, women aren’t socially allowed to smoke cigarettes on the street, where old men think it’s more than ok to spit about 3 inches away from my shoes, every 5 seconds.
(How old men still have that much spit in their mouthes is beyond me.)
So at Rachael’s all girls school, I was pleasantly surprised to see many of the female students being much more outspoken than a lot of my high school girl students. Also ... their being middle school students, and having the luxury of 7+ hours of sleep each night (instead of the 4 or so the majority of my high school students receive) they have way more energy and are not victims of falling asleep in class. However, this comes with both the good and bad. Where my main disciplinary problems come with having to wake sleeping students so they can listen to my fun and exciting talk about prepositions, middle school students apparently have more behavioral problems. I mean, when you’re 13 “behavioral problem” is pretty much your middle name .. if it’s not already “awkward teenager”. (Except for me. I was awesome.)
All in all, I really enjoyed visiting another school and seeing another teacher teach ... even if her students asked if I was pregnant.
Yeah, that happened. Probably won’t be wearing that dress again any time soon.

So that’s been my life for the past 2 or 3 weeks.
More to come later, after I’ve lived for another week or so.

Winter Break: The Reader's Digest Version ... (minus those cute, little cartoons)

I'm considering calling in one of those guys who's only job is measuring / counting / being a witness to all the crap that somehow finds its way into "The Guinness Book of World Records".
Because this is about to be the most epic blog post of all time.
Of all time.
(In both length and general awesomeness.)

Seeing that I really haven't blogged since December 2009, I have decided to attempt cramming in absolutely everything that I have done, seen, traveled to, or had happen to me in the next 6,000 words (give or take a few).
So put on your seat belts (only applicable for those of you who are currently in a car ... but you should probably reconsider reading this if you are, in fact, driving) because you are about to embark on the glorious journey that was the past 2 months of my life.

In the forthcoming paragraphs not only will you travel to Korea, but also to the best country in the world ('merica), back to Asia's best kept secret (Korea) with my sister Kacy, in and around Seoul, the heart of the Jeollanam province (Hwasun), and then to the tropical islands of both Boracay and Bali (Philippines and Indonesia, respectively).

And I should probably prepare you now, by letting you all know that this blog posting will once again be in bullet-form ... most likely short bullet points ... think Red Rider BB Gun (circa 1950). But hey, I'm now out of college, which means I have the freedom to write however I want ... be it bullets, haikus, or the occasional acrostic.
I've just done too much stuff to include cutesy anecdotes for all of my adventures.
So here goes.


I traveled to the great nation that is the U. S. of A. on approximately December 22nd, 2009. And I say approximately, because I still don't understand the time difference. I mean, today is today, and tomorrow is tomorrow, but not when you're in an airplane?
Anyway, I stayed in the states for exactly 2 weeks (14 days to be exact), and I loved absolutely every minute of it.
Except, maybe, the extreme jet-lag ... which was felt both in the late hours of the night and some local gas stations.
In a nutshell (maybe a chestnut shell ... keeping with the theme of Christmas ... and I did just teach my host-family the word chestnut, which they now try to work into everyday conversation) I have summarized my 2 weeks at home with the 3 Fs.
(No, not flamingos, firetrucks, and felonies.)
But instead, family, friends, and food.
Lots and lots of each ... in overwhelming amounts ... all delicious, and all very much missed during the past 6 months I have spent in Korea.
Not that I don't have "family", friends, and food in Korea ... but it's not the same, as I'm sure you all can understand.
I was able to spend Christmas with family, New Years with friends, and every-other day with at least one person I love. It couldn't have been better.
Coming home I was a tid bit anxious and a little nervous, not sure of how different things would be. And while some things have changed, it was refreshing to see that my relationships with my family and closest friends have remained fully intact. It often felt as if I had never really left (except for the fact that there was now a Christmas tree in our family living room).

While home I took the opportunity to completely forget about my Korean life, (although I was forced to answer many a question about my stay thus far). However, I very much enjoyed talking about my experience and the difference of culture, education, and general Asian-ness. At times, it felt that I was actually a little bit Korean ... or at least the closest thing to a Korean that some people have known.
(Growing up in rural Indiana kind of does that to you. That, and gives you the much desired skill of being able to catch crawdads bare-handed.)
So cultural ambassadorship seems to be a two-sided coin. Then again, what coin doesn't have two sides?
But while I was living completely in the moment (the American moment) I definitely took note of the highlights and lowlights (is that a word outside of hair salons?) of my trip home.
So here is the good, the bad, and the ugly.
(Minus the ugly ... because nothing in my life is truly ugly).

THE GOOD:
English was everywhere. My mother-tongue ... oh how I've missed you.
I was overwhelmed with happiness when I got into O'Hare and heard English being spoken over the loud speakers. Seriously. I almost wet my pants.

I always knew what was going on ... as it happened (something that is a rare occurrence in Korea). In my family living room, in any given restaurant, at the gas station, absolutely everywhere I went I understood why everything was the way it was. Never before have I felt so intelligent.

I didn't have to physically inspect and pick apart every single piece of food that I ate. A vegetarian's dream.
I've probably wasted at least 3 or 4 hours the past 6 months trying to ask what was in a dish, picking it apart with my chop-sticks, or just staring at it, trying to get it to talk to me. (Because there are some days in Korea that I swear I could more easily understand an egg salad sandwich speaking to me, than my host-mom.)

When a commercial came on the television, I knew what it was advertising.
I was aware why the 3 year old was jumping up and down ... because he got new pull-up diapers!
Korean commercials still baffle me beyond words.

I was not the fattest person ever. I also wasn't the tallest person ever.
I felt like I fit in ... was a normal body weight ... and wasn't the American giant.
Korea is a lovely place, but for someone 5-10, and not 120 pounds, it's not exactly the self-esteem capital of the world.
Except, that is, if you have a small face. Koreans eat that stuff up.

I could drive a car. By myself. I didn't have to take public transportation (God bless it) ... but it's nice to know that I could go somewhere without having to wait 20 minutes for the bus to roll by, and go by myself ... without an old lady holding my hand or slapping my butt. Yes, that happened last week.

I bought clothes. That fit. The sleeves went all the way down to my wrists, and my belly-button wasn't exposed. Pants actually came in a size other than "Asian", and once again I felt like a real human being.

Not everyone was Korean. Not that I don't love a Korean, but seriously, Korea. Ethnic diversity is pretty much non-existent in Korea (it's telling you something when I'm considered the "exotic" one). I saw white people, black people, Indian people, and even Native American people (if you count my friend who is 1/16th Cherokee).
Before living in Korea I don't believe I ever truly appreciated that which is the "American melting pot" (as corny as it still sounds) ... but when you're living in a country that is about 98% Korean, and only Korean, it starts to get to you.


THE BAD:
(Bad is a little harsh, so ....)
THE NOT AS GOOD:

I actually found that I did miss Korea. Two weeks in the states, and I really did miss Korea.
Not everything. Definitely not the kimchi or awkward stares that seem to follow me everywhere, but I did feel a sadness that came with leaving my host-family and students. After becoming so accustomed to seeing them everyday, it was a shock to have them (and all things Korean) out of my life for at least two weeks.
I didn't really expect to "miss them" miss them, but I guess that means they aren't half bad. Even if they do draw penises all over their Halloween monsters.

I found that in the states there aren't nearly as many things for me to laugh at ... and that comes with fully understanding the language and culture.
When someone isn't struggling to speak English and uses the correct word for "pregnant" instead of "alien egg" ... it's just not as funny.
Although I much more enjoy being able to effectively communicate with everyone around me, sometimes you just miss the "alien egg" moments.

The food is humongous.
Portions are humongous.
When being home for only two weeks and having the personal goal to eat as much American food as humanly possible, this, I found, is a direct path to tummy aches. In an attempt to enjoy absolutely everything that is American vegetarian food, I found myself eating totally delicious foods, but not necessarily in the most healthy way.
(I think there might have been a day where I existed solely on chocolate fudge and crispy Santas).

In addition to the difference in food, the time / jet-lag (which I mentioned before) was probably the worst thing about coming home.
Not that I don't love being wide awake at 4am while absolutely everyone else in the Western hemisphere is sleeping, although it was at times, rather annoying.

And lastly, one of the more difficult things to come to terms with during my time spent at home was the fact that no one at home (no one) fully understands exactly what I have been doing the past six months.
Yes, I Skype. Yes, I blog. Yes, I e-mail. Yes, I update my Facebook page almost daily ... but never will anyone (besides the other 90 Fulbrighters) really understand my Korea experience. I can attempt to explain the culture, the scenery, the weather, and tell story after story ... but when it comes down to it, this is an experience that is totally mine, and that no one will ever fully understand.
Sorry, get your own.

So after 14 glorious days spent in the mid-west, I prepared myself for another six months in Asia. And by prepared myself, I'm referring to my self-preservation instincts of grabbing about 30 boxes of Easy Mac, 100 jars of Nutella, my new laptop (I'm a Mac user now, so get ready for some pretentious remarks about computer things once I figure out how to use it), my sister Kacy, and heading to Korea to finish what I've started - learnin' kids about English.


But before all that learnin' happens, I had/have the full months of January and February as paid vacation (Fulbright isn't so bad) to do "cultural stuff".
I decided that "cultural stuff" would first take the form of showing Kacy around Korea, then traveling for a couple weeks in South East Asia, followed by some good relaxation and more travel around Korea.

Kacy (who also attends the best university in Greencastle, Indiana ... DePauw) took her Winter Term to come to Korea and get see exactly what Korea is all about.
Apparently my word just isn't good enough.
While she was here we were able to do and see a lot of stuff. We stayed a week in Seoul, then two weeks in Hwasun with my host-family (who absolutely adored her). All in all, her visit was really nice ... it was great to have someone experience exactly what I do in Korea, to meet my host-family, Korean friends, and see what I've been doing with my life the past six months.

We arrived in Korea on the 4th.
Of January.
Our flight got in super early in the morning, and since the Seoul Metro decides that it doesn't start running until 5 am, we slept, uncomfortably, on benches at the Incheon International Airport. Strangely enough ... that's not the closest I've been to being an actual hobo.
After finding our hostel located in the Hongkik University area, we set off for a day of touring.

But first we showered.
Nothing, and I mean nothing, makes you feel like a bigger slimeball than a 14 hour flight and a night spent on plastic benches, eating Sour Cream and Onion Pringles.

We then attempted to tour a traditional Korean folk village, walked what seemed like infinity miles (in the freezing temperatures that is Seoul in January), only to find that our "traditional Korean folk village" that was so highly touted in my guidebooks was in fact, pretty lame. Nothing "traditional" or "folksy" about it. Woodie Guthrie wasn't even there.
So we marched on to see the sights of Deoksu Palace, a traditional palace within the heart of Seoul (or so my guidebooks say). It was legit. The traditional architecture juxtaposed with the more sleek and modern Seoul skyscrapers made for quite the pretty picture.
Deoksu Palace is conveniently located a hop, skip, and about 350 jumps away from the Seoul Museum of Art, which was then hosting an Andy Warhol exhibit. I've never actually seen any of Warhol's work up close and all personal, and I thoroughly enjoyed perusing his pop art ... definitely giving it more than 15 minutes.

The next day was consumed entirely with a tour of the DMZ - the Demilitarized Zone between the Northern and Southern part of Korea. Now before you get all, "Oh my God! Is that safe?!" on me, we did this with a tour group, followed all the rules, and successfully made it out all in one piece.
Though I technically have already visited the DMZ (last July), this was way better, and more than just a rusty fence. We visited Panmunjom, the site where the 1953 armistice/treaty/important paper document was signed that put the Korean War on hold.
We actually got to step into North Korea (don't worry ... I haven't turned Communist, yet) and let me tell you, it felt exactly like South Korea. Crazy, I know.
Along the tour we were also able to see other neat sites like the Freedom Bridge, about a million statues commemorating this, that, and the other, and the buildings which serve as a "look out" posts for both the North and South Korean armies.
While it was super interesting to see how heavily involved both the South and North still are in the war, it was a complete change of pace from regular Korean society, especially that of Seoul. Living in the southern part of South Korea, I am so far removed from the continued hostile presence of the DMZ and North Korea, and it was definitely strange to see the two halves of the country so on guard.

The next day was spent shopping, and buying superfluous things that no one really ever needs, but still enjoys owning.
I mean, who really needs a t-shirt that claims "Korea is the best kept secret in Asia"? That's right, I do.
We visited Myeongdong and Namdaemun ... two of the more famous / modern / awesome shopping areas in Seoul ... not as if those names would mean anything to anyone reading this from home.

After our stay in Seoul I headed down to the biggest little city in Korea (no, not Reno, Nevada) and introduced Kacy to my host-family. They absolutely adored her ... but really, how can you not adore a member of the Wendling family?

While in Hwasun / Gwangju (because really, nothing too exciting happens in Hwasun) Kacy and I did lots of stuff.
All kinds of stuff.
Check it out, if you don't believe me:

We (successfully, I think) taught supplemental classes at my high school.
This consisted of a Chemistry class (with the Korean Chemistry teacher) and a "reading English novels competition club" class (title still pending).
The chemistry class mostly required us to read aloud from a Chemistry textbook (in English, my Korean isn't quite ready to handle that, yet) and help to define Chemistry vocabulary words for two of the more advanced science students ... one being my host-sister, Eun Sue. This was awesome, because I was able to use all my science knowledges ... all the ones I've saved up from junior year of high school.
The "reading English novels competition club" class is something my co-teacher and principal have asked me to teach, preparing a handful of students for an English novels competition in June. So they gave me a list of about 10 students who they thought could handle reading classical English novels ... "Pride and Prejudice", "Of Mice and Men", "Chicken Soup for the Soul" (really), etc ... and asked me to read and discuss the novels with them.
This is all well and good, except for the fact that pretty much none of my students can easily breeze through the likes of Jane Austen. So as we began for two weeks to read "The Lord of the Flies" ... my class went from 8 students, to one.
One kid who is practically fluent and discusses with me his feelings on Hobbes and Locke. He's stellar.
The other 7 students somehow always had dentist appointments or family emergencies at 4:00 every afternoon.
So I will continue to teach Hong Mihn (my one fluent student) as the second semester begins ... but this mostly consists of us talking for about an hour, while "Of Mice and Men" lays on the table between us.

Saw Avatar. In 3-D. In Korea.
Too long, too annoying with its political and environmental agendas, and the glasses made my head hurt. I give it a 6.

We also decided to get our Zen on, and did a one night temple stay at Sangwangsa Temple just outside of Suncheon. This temple stay consisted of us walking around, taking some pictures, eating some food, talking with a few monks who pretended to speak English, and both watching and participating in group meditation and chanting.
Sangwangsa temple is one of the three best (really, just Google it) in Korea. Each of the three best/greatest/most awesome temples represent one of the 3 Jewels of Buddhism (either the Buddha (that really important guy), the Dharma (the sacred texts of Buddhism), or the Sangha (its community of monks). Sangwangsa is representative of the Sangha - so it's got the best and most sweetest monks in Korea.
And let me tell you. Their 3 am meditation (which we did participate in) was top notch.
I enjoyed the temple stay, observing the typical, daily life of Korean monks (really, how could you not?) but there's no way I'd ever have the balls to devote my life to seeking enlightenment via Buddhist monasticism.
I'll stick to Wikipedia.

We were also able to hit up the super popular and awesome Boseong Green Tea Light festival. The Green Tea Light festival is held annually in Boseong (a small city about 45 minutes outside of Hwasun ... where my host-father usually conducts most of his business) and commemorates what the town is known best for ... green tea and lights, apparently.
The festival was held in the large, open green tea fields of Boseong ... and all the bushes were decorated with yellow-ish Christmas lights.
It was really pretty ... however I still don't understand why anyone would think that loading thousands of super dry and flammable green tea bushes with about a million little lights would be the best idea ... but it did produce quite the sight.
So Kacy, Eun Su, and host-mom and dad and I strolled through the area looking at the bushes (because that's about as exciting as most Korean festivals get).
However, Eun Sue did treat us to some delicious green tea-tea, and green tea ice-cream.
In Korea, ice-cream is always an option. Even in January.

Another totally awesome thing we got to do was go skiing at the Muju ski resort. We went for a day trip with my host-sister Eun Lae and her boyfriend, and my host-brother Sang Che and his roommate.
As this was Kacy's and my first time ever attempting to master this winter sport, it seems logical to attempt to do so in Korea, with a Korean ski instructor, who spoke little to no English.
That doesn't seem dangerous at all.
But we somehow managed to get by, and have an excellent time doing so. Granted, we did only make it down the beginner and intermediate hills (not even attempting anything with more than a 20 degree slope) ... but I deem that a huge success because: one, no one died, two, no one broke their leg, and three, no one got stuck in the fence (except for Kacy) ... which our ski instructor thought was absolutely hilarious and continued to call Kacy "fish" for the rest of the day.
Because she looked like a fish tangled in the fence? Or because she smelled badly?
Regardless, skiing was a ton of fun, and I will definitely have to continue this upon my return home to the US. All I need are some mountains. And skis. And some snow.
Or maybe I'll just bypass the whole "practicing" thing, and head straight to Vancouver.

We checked out a bamboo forest in Damyang ... another small town about 30 minutes outside of Hwasun ... with my church lady friend, Hannah, her brother, and another friend.
And the bamboo forest is just that, a forest of bamboo plants and panda statues. It was really nice ... and bamboo-y. I'm going to go ahead and guess it was about a mile wide, and a mile long ... although, to be fair, I could be completely off on this estimate.
We stopped by quite a few picturesque views, and were able to see where a lot of romantic scenes from may Korean dramas were filmed.
As for me, one who doesn't watch Korean drama (because they are absolutely ridiculous and in Korean) I wasn't too impressed. But I could tell by the "ooh-ing and ahh-ing" many other Koreans made, it was important.
We also were able to try some delicious bamboo green tea. Which, I now understand not to be made from the bamboo plant itself, but that the green tea bushes are grown alongside the bamboo plants to make it extra tasty. And extra tasty it was.
I've never really been into the whole drinking tea thing, (in that I don't need caffeine in the morning and tea is much more expensive than tap water) but I've really taken a liking to tea here in Korea.
So I'm about halfway there to the full Asian transformation.

While Kacy was staying with me and my host-family they took a great liking to her. My host-mom especially wanted to show her anything and everything that she thinks is awesome, which included a trip to my host-brother's new bachelor pad.
And I use the term "bachelor pad" pretty loosely. Unless, of course, "bachelor pad" now refers to an apartment one shares with another guy, filled with stuffed teddy bears, teddy bear tea-cups, teddy bear knick-knacks, and a new pet puppy.
This was also my first time visiting Sang Che's new apartment, and I wasn't quite sure if it was my host-brother or a 5 year old girl living there.
However, my host-family thinks it's probably the best place ever, so went went to have tea (out of the teddy bear tea-cups, of course) and play with his new pet puppy that he has affectionately named "Sugar".

During Kacy's three week stay in Korea, it also happened to be Sang Che's birthday, so we went out to celebrate with him on the night of ... at a swanky little Italian/fusion restaurant in downtown Gwangju. The party consisted of him and his roommate, Eun Lae and her boyfriend, and Kacy and I. After some not-so-delicious rice spaghetti, and presenting him with his birthday gift (we bought him a new shirt for Sugar to wear ... yes, he dresses his pet dog) Sang Che and his friend took Kacy and I to a club.
On a Thursday night.
At 10 pm.
There are two different types of clubs in Korea ... one being referred to as "da club" (as described in a prior blog post) and one known as a "night".
"Da club" can be likened to any American dance club ... loud music, alcohol, and dancing.
However, a "night" (the one Sang Che and his friend took us to) is a tad different, and as far as I know they do not exist in America. A "night" is a club with tables (not unlike a typical restaurant) but also a dance floor. There is a DJ that plays dance music for about 30 minutes, then there is a 30 minute "break" where all the Koreans must sit at aforementioned tables. It is then time for the people who work at this "night" to size up the girls and boys (all of whom usually come in same-sex groups) and try to make pairs.
The people working at this "night" actually take women by the hand, make them get up, and parade them to a different table of men, whom they can then:
1. Talk to and get to know for the rest of the night.
2. Sit and talk for a while, until either the men or women decide the other is a complete fool and walk away.
or
3. Reject them instantly (thereby totally crushing the hopes and dreams of the other party).
Yes, this really happens. In Korea. A country that considers un-covered shoulders one of the seven deadly sins.
However, our trip to the "night" was not like this. We just got a table and hung out for a bit ... but I did manage to throw in some Korean dance moves here or there.
I truly think there is no greater sight for a Korean, than watching a white girl mimic The Brown Eyed Girls "Abracadabra" dance.

My host-sister treated Kacy and I to a Korean massage.
But really, anything is a Korean massage, if you do it in Korea.
So ... we just got a regular massage ... from an old Korean lady.

Eventually Kacy had to return home and back to DePauw (something I was/am pretty jealous of ... oh how I miss college). So after 3 weeks spent in Asia, Eun Sue and I dropped her off at the bus station, said our good-byes, following along the side of her bus until it left the parking lot.
It was seriously like out of a movie.
Eun Sue ate it up.

After Kacy's stay in Korea, I began my travels outside the Republic of ... and headed down for a week in the Philippines and a week in Indonesia.
More specifically a week full of sunbathing in Boracay, and yet another week of relaxation in Bali.
It was simply amazing.
I went with about 8 other Fulbrighters, and one other American teacher from China, and we had an absolutely amazing time.
While the majority of my trip consisted of lying on the beach, drinking fresh fruit smoothies, and occasionally putting down my book to stroll into the ocean, we did manage to do some things more blog worthy.
I now present you with the super abridged version of my two week vacation:


After taking what seemed like a million flights (all which felt like they were at 3 am in the morning), including the smallest and what seemed like the deadliest plane ever, we arrived on the island of Boracay, located in the middle part of the archipelago that is the Philippines.

A layover in Manila's domestic airport confirmed for me that Manila might just be the sketchiest city I've ever been to ... especially after being ripped off by 3 different taxi drivers.
Three of them.
In a row.
But that's neither here nor there.

The weather in Boracay was beautiful ... probably around 80-90 degrees each day, with hardly any substantial rain.
So we definitely made it a point to party in the city where the heat was on.
Will Smith, I love you.

One day we went island "hopping", meaning we got a boat and boated to some of the nearby, and much smaller islands.
Really, they should rename it island "boating", but whatever.
We were able to see some beautiful views of the ocean, caves, rocks, mountains, whirlpools, and other nature-y things.
However, I did manage to forget my camera that day, so you'll have to use your imagination on that one.

During our island "boating" day we also went snorkeling (or, for me, it's more appropriate name "drinking about a liter of saltwater-ing"). But I did get to see some cool fish.
Some blue ones, and red ones, and a couple orange ones too.
The coral was also beautiful ... but I'm no marine biologist, so I didn't really know what I was observing. But I thought it looked pretty cool.

One day we went banana boating ... which isn't as awesome as it sounds (although it was a really good time). 8 of us got on a boat-thing that really did look like a banana and rode it around the water. Well, some people actually pulled us around the water ... and also managed to tip us over, resulting in a "banana split"?

I got a pretty decent tan.
But I got an even more decent sunburn.
On the first day.
Seeing that I got about no sleep while in transit (I still find it near to impossible to sleep on anything that moves, be it bus, plane, train, etc) I accidentally fell asleep ... on the beach ... the first day we got there ... for God knows how long.
This resulted in a spectacular sunburn, and some magnificent tan lines.

It's safe to say that I ate ice-cream at least once everyday, if not multiple times.
I'm on vacation.
And as far as I'm concerned, calories just don't exist.
(Also ... as a repressed vegan for the past two years, I was just making up for all those ice-cream cones that I refused to eat prior.)
There's justice in the world.

We stayed at a little resort called the "Blue Mango Inn" ... if anyone is ever in or around Boracay, I definitely recommend it.
They had the best (free) breakfast this side of (I don't know ... does Mississippi apply here?)
Delicious, giant bread rolls served with fresh mango jam.
I'm not ashamed to say that's pretty much the reason I woke up everyday.
(Well, not the only reason ... but it definitely lured me out of bed).

Although the breakfast at the Inn was amazing, I can't really say the same for Filipino food.
It was not that delicious. In my opinion, at least.
Seeing that their main form of food is usually some type of meat, on some type of stick, I spent the majority of my time eating chop suey. And while it's not too terribly awful, it's still not what you want to eat all day, everyday.
Yet another reason I was forced to eat so much ice-cream.
Also ... I tried cheese ice-cream. Someone seriously decided that there wasn't enough dairy in regular ice-cream, so they created a cheese flavor.
It was not delicious.
It tasted like cheese.

For some reason while I was in Boracay (but not Bali), my ankles decided to swell to the size of cantaloupes. Seriously. I looked like Kate (while carrying the 8).
Maybe it was the ice-cream.

Everything in Boracay was so ridiculously cheap. I could survive and be happy on about $10 dollars a day ... buying lunch, dinner, drinks, souvenirs, and the much needed aloe vera.

The majority of our nights were spent on the beach, eating and drinking next to the ocean, under the beautiful stars, enjoying the Oasis cover bands.
Tourists love them some Oasis.

After a week spent in Boracay, we headed to Bali, Indonesia, you know ... to recover and rejuvenate from our last exhausting week spent relaxing.
This brought about more flights, in even smaller airplanes, and even resulted in our staying way too long at the Manila Domestic Airport (once again) because the airline we flew decided that it didn't want one of our friends to come with us ... so they delayed her flight, while we all sat (pretty much in fear) in Manila.
However, things were resolved and we all met up again ... everything seems to work out in the end.
We did, however, manage to pass the time spent waiting in airport by having a delicious feast of the finest McDonald's delicacies.
Since we were leaving the Philippines, we had to spend our extra cash on something, so why not 30 orders of french fries?
I mean, it's just logical.

When we finally arrived in Bali (after a brief night's stay in Jakarta) we resumed our habits of eating delicious food, relaxing, and trying to take in as much sun as humanly possible.
(By this time, my lobster of a sunburn was fading away ... so I was able to actually venture into the sun without SPF 90 and an umbrella.
But man, sun south of the equator is hot.
Bali is currently experiencing their "rainy" season ... which I understood to mean about 20 minutes of rain in the morning, followed by insanely hot sun for the rest of the day.

We stayed at a really nice resort/hotel, about a 10 minute walk from Kuta Beach ... so naturally, on the first day we all headed down to the beach, towels and sunblock in tow. However, we were sad to find that Kuta Beach was not all that Lonely Planet made it out to be. The beach was pretty trashy (literally - there was trash everywhere), and many of my friends who wanted to surf or boogie board discovered that the gross beach conditions wouldn't really let them.
So we spent a total of about 30 minutes at the beach, after finally deciding that our time would best be spent sightseeing or laying by the pool instead.

While a good 75% of our vacation was spent relaxing, we did manage to find some time to do some pretty sweet stuff.

We were able to watch a traditional Balinese dance that was preformed to traditional Gamelan music (an ensemble of all kinds of different instruments: drums, xylophones, bells, triangles, and gongs, etc). I thought it was fascinating and super entertaining ... although it was preformed all in Indonesian, so who knows what they were saying (besides all the Indonesians in the crowd).
It was your standard premise of good versus evil, the pretty queen lady versus the giant hairy monster with super long fingernails. You know, the usual.
(And not to ruin the surprise ... but the pretty queen lady totally won).

We visited a shop/area where authentic and traditional Indonesian Batik painting and weaving was being done. We were able to see many women create the famous Batik pattern on beautiful pieces of fabric, which was really interesting given the intricacy of the pattern and the amount of time and energy devoted to making each piece.

In addition to the painting and weaving, we stopped by a silversmith's (smithery?) and witnessed many men melding/shaping/constructing beautiful pieces of jewelry and other things way too expensive for me to buy. I'm still not exactly sure why we went to see this, in that it felt like we were just hanging out, watching these guys work ... but it was nice to see such fine craftsmanship (what Indonesia is known for - or at least what they tell us they're known for).

We stopped by a monkey forest in Ubud (a town about an hour inland from Kuta beach (where we were staying), to hang out with some monkeys. Pun! You know, because monkeys "hang" around a lot.
The monkey forest was nice, though strange, in that it was pretty much a designated area for monkeys to roam free and do pretty much whatever they want.
And usually the monkeys just wanted to run around with their other monkey friends, eat bananas that tourists can buy and feed the monkeys, and make monkey noises that visitors "ooh and ahhh" over.
Occasionally the monkeys like to jump on people and/or steal some of their belongings (If you have something shiny, or something that looks and smells like a banana ... so the monkey forest would not be an ideal place in which to bring a banana boat.)
However, on the day we visited 3 monkeys decided to jump on one of my friends and bite her several times.
Seriously.
One of my friends was literally attacked by monkeys.
And she has the monkey bites to prove it.
But to be totally honest, she accidentally stepped on one of the monkey's tails. That monkey was clearly not having it, so he and some of his buddies launched a full out attack on her legs, arms, and any other areas of exposed flesh.
She's totally fine now and got checked out by the monkey doctors (yeah, those really exist) so no need to worry. Just think twice before you visit a monkey forest ... as if you were planning to do that next Saturday.

I ate so many delicious foods in Bali, I thought they might have to literally roll me into the airplane.
I thoroughly enjoyed Indonesian food - much of it was veggie friendly - however we did manage to eat all types of different worldly cuisines ... including good old fashion American.
If I had to summarize this trip in 2 words, they would definitely be "sun" and "food".
And "fun" ... because I had a lot of that too.

One night we went to "da club".
Only this time, it was a legit dance club, and not a sketchy Korean "night".
Absolutely tons of fun, and I'm pretty sure I sweated away at least 90% of all the calories that I had eaten all trip.
So there, exercise ... check.

One day (the only day that it decided to rain hardcore) we went white-water rafting ... although I'm not sure if what we did could be totally considered white-water rafting because one, the water was actually more of a blueish green color, and two, the rapids were pretty tame. So it was more like "blueish green water floating".
It was, however a great time and we all got completely soaked.
But it was really the only time that we were outside of the tourist trap that is Bali and into the real non-civilized area of the island. (I swear that there are more Australians in Bali than there are actually living in Australia.)
The foliage was so lush and green, it was amazing.
We saw waterfall after waterfall of beautiful water. We definitely didn't stick to rivers and lakes like we're use to ... TLC probably would have hated it here.
RIP, Left-Eye.

After rafting and getting our Kevin Bacon on, we stopped by Tanah Lot ...
"A rock formation off the Indonesian island of Bali. It is home of a pilgrimage temple, the Pura Tanah Lot (literally "Tanah Lot temple") and a popular tourist and cultural icon for photography and general exoticism" ... and believe me, there was exoticism aplenty (Wikipedia, 1).
I didn't know a lot (pun!) about it before we went, so I made sure to Wikipedia it, to get the full story.
Our main goal was to arrive at the temple and watch the sunset over the water ... as it is there that the most beautiful sunsets ever purportedly take place.
However, the day/evening we were there was probably the cloudiest day ever, so all we really got to do was watch the clouds turn slightly more gray.
But the temple and surrounding areas were extremely beautiful, and I made sure to take many pictures (so as to not disappoint Wikipedia) of the exotic beauty.

And that concludes pretty much the majority of my time spent in Boracay and Bali.
(Although I didn't really blog too much about the 50+ hours I spent laying down, on the beach). Not too blog worthy, really.
All in all, I had an absolutely fabulous time and can safely say that I would definitely do it again, right now, if I could.
But sadly, my 3 month vacation is drawing to a close.
I know, I should really ask for an extension ... because 3 months just is entirely too short.

I'm currently back in Korea, and will remain here until my contract is over in July ... teaching English and being awesome ... you know, what I get paid to do.
I had an extremely wonderful Winter Break (although it's really not yet over) going home, hanging out in Korea with Kacy, traveling around South East Asia, and teaching winter classes.
Get money.
So this (finally) concludes the epic-ness that is the "Winter Break blog post".
Felt like you were there, right?

Oh ... I also dumped a huge, hot mess of pictures on my picture sharing website (they're in the Winter Vacation Korea 2010 album) ... and also on Facebook, so check them out.
You know what they say, a picture is worth a thousand words ... and I probably only wrote like a couple thousand ... so knock yourself out.

You forgot the web-address to my picture sharing site, didn't you.
Here it is ... bookmark it or something:

http://s834.photobucket.com/albums/zz261/laurenwendling/Winter%20Vacation%20Korea%202010/

I never did this in college.

Yes, I realize that I'm about an eon behind on my blog postings.
But, to be fair, my New Year's resolution was to blog way less ... so I'm holding true to that, at least.
Actually, I've been busy doing so many awesome things that I haven't had time to really sit down and write. (I also don't have the 4+ free hours at school everyday).
But all these awesome things (i.e. going home, Kacy's visit to Korea, traveling to the Philippines and Indonesia, etc) will all make for some ginormously awesome blogs in the future.
The future being in about 2.5 weeks, when I return to the glorious nation of Korea.

So I'm asking for an extension ... with the promise of blogging when I return.
And since I'm the one I'm asking for an extension: extension granted.

I'll see you all (figuratively) in about 2 and a half weeks ... after I get done getting all warm and tan in Boracay and Bali.

"Is it my fault that the first 8 days is, basically, 30 birds?"

It's December 20th. (As if that wasn't already evident). I will be home in three days.
Three days - that's only like a total of 6 birds ... if you keep track of time via the "12 Days of Christmas", like I do.
This will, most likely, be my last blog post of 2009 ... in that I probably won't be posting while I'm at home. If you are in desperate need for an update on my life come find me in person, or give me a ring.
(Both a phone call and/or diamond will suffice.)

As the days of December stretch on (that sounds pretty corny), I've filled my time with traveling, teaching, and tearing up the streets of Hwasun.

I recently traveled to Korea's island of Jeju ... (recently being about two and a half weeks ago). It was a short weekend trip, and I definitely didn't get to see as much of the island as I would have liked, but while I was there I had a great time.
After a grueling 30 minute plane ride, I met up with friends on the island (fellow Fulbrighters ... not the natives) and was introduced to the finest of island life.
The finest of island life being Mexican food and a really sweet bar. It was great to relax with friends and get out of Hwasun ... even if I did find myself even farther removed from (Korean/real) "society".
However, the real exciting stuff was on Saturday ... as we all attended a Jeju United soccer game, were they played a Chinese team, and actually won. The game was absolutely freezing, but we had a blast. After 90 or so minutes of soccer (which all seemed to blend together to me) the entertainment began, and the entire crowd was treated to the crem de la crem (I don't know if that's how you spell it) of Korean pop sensations. It was a giant concert with Korea's best and most popular pop stars ... the line-up included (like you at home would really know or have heard of any of these groups) 2pm (major heart-throbs), SHINee, Kara, Girls Generation, the Brown Eyed Girls, JYP (who came out of retirement / obscurity), Kiss U, SS501, 4 minute (who's performance was about four minutes long ... fitting!), and a couple other acts who I didn't know / have never heard of / didn't think were important enough to research.
Afterward, I found this web-site / page that has video-clips of just about every performance ... so if you can't believe me when I say the concert was really awesome ... just take a look for yourself:

http://sookyeong.wordpress.com/2009/12/05/mbc-music-core-05-12-2009-jeju-special/

I really enjoyed my weekend in Jeju, but I do have to admit that it was strange to be "in Korea", while not really "in Korea". The island atmosphere coupled with the touristy-ness was unlike anything I've every experienced on the mainland ... and didn't really feel like "real Korea" ... if that is even something, or even something I'm allowed to feel after being here for only six months.

Some other interesting things that have occurred, or are occurring in/throughout the past couple weeks or so.

As I mentioned earlier, it's December. In Korea.
Korea's weather is very similar to that of Indiana's ... so it's cold. Not a "My toes are literally going to fall off" cold, but more like a "Wow. It's really cold" cold.
However, all those at my school (mainly the teachers, students, and principals) don't really seem to believe that it's actually winter. They have yet to turn on the school's central heating ... and rely only on the one or two "fan heaters" ... (it's like a fan, but a heater) ... that they have placed in each room. Oh ... and did I mention that the school is in the midst of an on-going construction project? They are in desperate need for a fourth floor, and started building in the early summer. Well, now (in the middle of December) is when the construction crew decided that it would be a good idea to tear off the entire roof to build some more walls. So my school is now roof-less, with no heat, in the middle of December.
Nice going, Korea.
So in other words, it is unbearably cold in the school building.
And on top of all that, the doors and windows never seem to be closed. Seriously. Why everyone either refuses to shut the doors, or seems not to notice that freezing cold air is blowing in through the windows is beyond me. When I walk down the hallways I'm not too sure if I'm actually in Korea, or at the North Pole. (It's the absence of Santa and his elves is usually what convinces me that I didn't take a wrong turn on the way to school that day).
So in an effort to keep warm, everyone wears about 30 layers of clothing to school each day, complete with jackets, hats, gloves, snowshoes, and ski masks. But not really ski masks ... and they have to take their snow shoes off at the door.
Although it is supposedly saving money and energy (Al Gore would be proud), it's quite uncomfortable.

In addition to simultaneously wearing 20 sweaters at school, I have also started teaching / helping to teach a Chemistry class in English.
Now I know what most of you will say, "That sounds like something Lauren would love to do, because she is so awesome at science and loved that one chemistry class she took 5 years ago". But sadly, you would be mistaken. I did not, in fact, enjoy studying chemistry that one time in 11th grade.
I was approached by Hwasun High School's chemistry teacher Mr. Sam, and he informed me that there are a couple of students (my host-sister, Eun Sue being one of them) that are planning to attend science universities in Korea that are taught primarily in English. He thought it would be a good idea for me to work with them, using a chemistry textbook (in English), to correct pronunciation and answer any questions.
I agreed to help, mostly because I was curious to see how exactly this would work. And the extra Wons they promised to pay me for working overtime was definitely a factor that helped influence my decision.
We started Chemistry class this week ... and it honestly is way easier than I first imagined. We are reading a Chemistry text/comic book (in English), where I read, they repeat, then they read, and I correct their pronunciation.
The book is somewhat entertaining, however it's the attempt of both the teacher and students to pronounce words like "parallel" or "aluminum" that is usually calls for a couple giggles. I also (seriously) spent about five minutes trying to get them to pronounce the word "urine" correctly. Mr. Sam deemed this a very important word to know, and insisted that we all practiced saying "urine" before continuing on ...

Mr. Sam: "Uline"
Me: "Almost. Urine."
Mr. Sam: "Urinee"
Me: "Not quite. Urine. Urine. Urine."
Mr. Sam: "Ah! Urine! Urine! Urine! Yes, Urine!"

While also sharing all my knowledges / thinks about Chemistry, I've been studying more with my youngest host-sister, Eun Sue ... helping her prepare for her upcoming TEPS test (Test of English Proficiency, silly). Seriously, the "S" stands for nothing. Maybe the creators of TEPS should study with me too.
Anyways, Eun Sue is desperately trying to get into Kaist University (one of Korea's top science universities), and to do so, she needs an excellent TEPS score. She has thus been studying pretty much all hours of the day and night (I study with her during the normal, waking hours) ... memorizing English vocabulary words (most of which, I'm ashamed to say, many American high school students would have trouble defining), and listening to study tapes where a very proper and monotone man reads some English dialogue and then asks questions about the boring things he just said.
I woke up this morning (at 7:30 am) ... and the first thing I heard was:

Man: "I don't want to take the zoology course."
Woman: "I think you should rethink your course selection. Zoology is exciting, and think of all the fun we could have doing experiments at the local zoo!"

It's good to know that the TEPS people are using the most common of dialogues.
So just to make sure Eun Sue knows her studying is not going to waste, I'm going to try to slide in these various chunks of dialogue in some of my phone conversations ... so hopefully she will overhear them, and will maybe believe that her studying is not a complete waste, and is actually somewhat useful.

In addition to teaching Chemistry, and helping Eun Sue, I've been having regular, scheduled conversations with Taeyon, a third grade student at Hwasun High School, who is really interested in learning and practicing his English. (Man, how much of an over-achiever do I sound like, here?)
But really, it's not like I'm doing a ton of work ... I actually feel like I could, and maybe should, be doing more ... but, whatever.
Anyways, Taeyon and I talk for about an hour each day during lunch ... which one: gives me an excuse to skip lunch and my daily serving of kimchi, and two: allows me to get to know him and his Korean life a little better.
Our topics of conversation are many ... and range from Tiger Wood's latest scandal, to the entire plot line of Will Smith's "Hancock", to Taeyon's hopes to becoming an American citizen and joining the American army to fight in the Middle East.
No joke.
We've talked about this a lot, and he is extremely dedicated to achieving this goal ... his desire to learn English stems mostly from his dream to fight in a "real" army. When I've asked why he would rather fight for the United States, and not Korea, he explains that the Korean army is much too inactive for him, and that he would rather be a part of something that is actually making a difference in the world.
Interesting stuff.

It's snowing in Hwasun. It has been for the past couple days.
This isn't the most exciting news, in that it regularly snows in Korea every winter (or so I've been told) ... but still. It's snowing.
The snow now means that: Koreans now drive in a normal manner (one snowflake falls and it suddenly becomes illegal to run a red light), snow ball fights now take up about 60% of the day at school (as soon as I walked outside for lunch this week, I was met with a snowball in the back of the head, courtesy of my "husband"), and all Korean couples are now allowed to kiss? I've learned that on the first snow, all dating couples are obliged to have their first kiss, and spend a romantic day/evening together. Cute, yes. However my host-parents totally rained (or snowed) on that parade when they insisted my oldest host-sister return from being with her boyfriend, around 5pm, because of the now dangerous roads. She's 26.
Also, I did the majority of my Christmas shopping in the snow this week. So cliche.

Well ... as I mentioned before, this will most likely be my last blog posting in 2009. I'm currently in the process of packing my things and saying my goodbyes ... because I am leaving for 'merica tonight!
Last Friday was my last day at school until next March (crazy long Winter Break, I know). The Korean school system is designed so that graduation takes place in the winter, and when I return in March half of the classes that I taught this semester will have moved up to the 3rd grade, and I thus won't be able to teach them. I do, however, get a whole new batch of middle-schoolers in the spring. (That kind of sounds creepy.)
So I said good-bye to all my second grade classes, most of which I absolutely adored and am sad to see go. When I told my students that I wouldn't be back until next March, and that I was heading back to America for the holidays, I was met with different reactions: many students were jealous of my ability to travel (and rightfully so, America is tops), most were sad that I wouldn't be their teacher anymore (and rightfully so, I'm tops), a few asked me to return with American souvenirs (i.e. candy, guns, American women ... seriously), and a couple students were happy to know that I was leaving ... only one class in particular that I don't really get along with. However, they are a first grade class, so they get a whole more 4 months with me next year. Lucky them.

So I'm heading out tonight ... ready to endure a 4.5 hour bus ride to Incheon, a 6 hour wait in Incheon International Airport, and a 12 hour plane ride to Chicago. But I've packed my suitcase full of books and Dramamine (well, really only a couple books and a couple doses) so hopefully it won't be too awful.
And after a two week tour in the states, I will be returning to Korea in January (with Kacy!) to travel both in and around Korea ... then later to the Philippines and Indonesia with some fellow Fulbright ETAs.
Good times ahead.

So, Happy Holidays. Peace out, 2009.
(Also if you're reading this back home, and you think I like you enough to see you during the next two weeks ... give me a call. I would love to see you, providing that I would actually love to see you.)

Oh Baby, baby it's a wild world: Hanging with Cat Stephens

Woah. It's been a while since I have last posted.
I blame it on two things. One, I have been pretty busy lately ... traveling, teaching, being awesome, etc. ... and two, my school recently blocked my blog web-site, thus making it more difficult for me to find time to blog, not being able to do so at school. Apparently my thoughts now reside in a "Restricted area" and are unsuitable for Korean high school children. Good thing they don't let me actually teach them.

Well, last week was Thanksgiving ... as if you all didn't know that. And even though I'm all the way over here in Korea, I still managed to find time to embrace my American-ness and be in the vicinity of a giant, slaughtered bird.
However, I didn't teach my students anything about Thanksgiving. Not necessarily because Thanksgiving is kind of a boring holiday (I mean, the crux of it is eating a bird and doing the obligatory "I'm thankful for ... [which I still don't understand why that should be limited to only one day]) but because I couldn't think of anything more creative or fun than making the standard 'hand turkeys'. And since many of my girl students constantly complain that their hands are way too small and thus unattractive, I felt it was best not to put their tiny hands on display.

I did, however, give a Thanksgiving presentation at the local Gwangju 'merican Corner for adults interested in practicing English/improving their English/listening to me talk (and really, who wouldn't want to do that?)
The American Corner is a a room (that is not in the shape of a corner, I should add) in the Gwangju library that is dedicated to all things American. It's basically a room filled with apple pie, hot dogs, and Toby Kieth performs there about every other Wednesday.
Actually, it's a really nice resource for Koreans who want to learn more about American culture, English, and read/check out English resources (i.e. books, DVDs, and Toby Kieth lyrics).
So I gave a presentation with another Fulbright ETA about Thanksgiving and volunteer programs in the US. Strange pairing of topics? Maybe ... but I have yet to find anything in Korea that actually makes sense to me.
The presentation was attended by about 10 Koreans (around 30-40 years old), who had relatively high English skillz and were super interested in absolutely everything we said. After a viewing of "My Big Fat Greek Wedding" (because what is a better appetizer for American Thanksgiving than a movie idolizing Greek culture?), we spoke for about an hour and fielded all kinds of questions about American culture (you should have seen me ... I was like a young Jeter out there).
What I have found in most of my teaching experiences in Korea is that most all Koreans are extremely interested in American culture and knowing exactly what we all "do". The people at the Corner were fascinated when I would recant the glorious-ness that is the Wendling/Loft family Thanksgiving traditions. They also very much enjoyed sharing with me their traditions of Chusok (which we celebrated a couple months ago) and thought it was fascinating that there are many similarities between the Korean and American holidays. Look at that ... cross cultural education at its finest.

In addition to talking at the 'merican Corner, I was able to celebrate Thanksgiving in a more traditional way at the US Ambassador Kathleen Stevens' crib (do cool people still say "crib"?) in Seoul. Every year she holds a Thanksgiving dinner for all the Fulbright ETAs ... complete with Thanksgiving deliciousness. The dinner was really nice and I managed to eat my weight in absolutely fabulous food. I attempted to eat as much as humanly possible so as to store as much food as I could in my body to hold me over until I come home. That strategy worked pretty well.
Along with dinner we all got to (or had to) schmooze some fancy-pants friends of the ambassador ... mostly foreign service workers or high ups in the Fulbright Korea program. Although it was nice to dine with said fancy-pants ... it was a little dull, in that the dinner conversation primarily consisted of "Where are you from? Oh! I might have some idea where that is. Where did you go to school? Ah, I'm going to say that is interesting, although I'm just being polite."
But after dinner (during the digestion stage of Thanksgiving) we were all treated to some pretty stellar entertainment from fellow ETAs. Everyone was asked if they wanted to perform any type of entertainment for the ambassador, however only a few actually complied. (I didn't feel the ambassador's place was the best place in which to break out my Napoleon Dynamite dance). But the few brave ETAs that did show off displayed their ability to play the violin, perform slam poetry, and sing/play guitar.
All in all I had a nice Thanksgiving ... about as nice of a Thanksgiving that can be had so far away from home. My only complaint - macaroni and cheese was ob-soh-yo (non-existent) at dinner. My first non-vegan Thanksgiving in a couple years and I still can't seem to find any macaroni.
Christmas. I'm expecting it. I'm talking to you, Betty Lou.

After stuffing stuffing (word play!) up to my lungs (seriously ... I don't know if there was any room for air), we were all herded ... literally herded ... out of the ambassador's house on Friday evening after dinner. However, I stayed in Seoul for the weekend with friends and had a grand time. It was super nice to have a weekend in an actual city (with nightlife!) and with people who can differentiate their "L"s from "R"s.
The main part of my weekend in Seoul was spent shopping, enjoying the nightlife, eating more delicious (and thus not Korean) food, and being completely dominated by the Seoul metro system. After losing my metro card (which is actually called a T-Money card ... I think Tupac had something to do with it), buying a new one, losing that one, and then buying my third T-money card, I was out about 20,000 won (roughly a million USD) ... and I was really in some T-pain.
But the weekend was a success ... a nice break from the sprawling metropolis of Hwasun.

Change of topics.

Last week (as a sort of kick-off to all the Thanksgiving festivities) I attended one of the most spectacular things I have ever seen ... my school's annual festival/talent show. The festival was a two day event (pretty intense when you think of how many precious hours of study time were sacrificed) that the students have been preparing for over the past 3 or so years. Seriously. It's like they're going to battle.
The first day of the festival was held outside of school in this super fancy-dancey (there really was a lot of dancing) sports stadium. All the students piled into a giant theater from 10am to 5 pm. There was seriously 6 hours of pure entertainment (one hour was spared to eat kimchi, of course). The festival was put on by the first and second grade students ... and each class prepared either a skit, musical act, dancing act, or some type of comedy routine. Absolutely every performance was amazing. Maybe it's just because I didn't really understand a thing they were doing, but never have I laughed so hard since I've been in Korea. There were so many performances (classes as a whole and individual students) that I can't possibly begin to recount all the amazing that took place. But I will attempt to bring you the finer points of the talent show:

One class played two Celine Dion songs (from Titanic ... I'm pretty sure her career exists solely within the limits of that movie) on some strange type of instrument that's shaped like the head of a golf club. Titanic was and still is a hugely popular movie in Korea, and a lot of my students have a strange fascination with Celine Dion (even though she is Canadian).

Many, many, many classes prepared dance routines to many of the now popular K-pop songs. While the choreography was mainly stolen from the millions of Korean music videos, the students did an amazing job actually pulling it off.
However, this was no easy task. Classes have been practicing their routines for countless hours between classes and after school, so as to be touted as the best dancers in the school. The dances that were by far the most popular were Brown Eyed Girls' "Abracadabra" ... which is a song/music video that is dedicated primarily to the art of pelvic thrusting, G-Dragon's "Heartbreaker" ... where student after student donned a blond wig and "jika jika jika tayed", and Girl's Generation's "Gee" ... a song thats chorus is nothing other than "gee gee gee gee, baby baby".
And in keeping with the authenticity of the K-pop performances all the students dressed the part of Korean pop stars. This required the girls to wear somewhat revealing / "shecksy" (sexy) outfits and the boys to find their tightest pair of jeans and borrow their mom's eyeliner for the day. Yes, I'm sad to say the teenage emo phase has also worked its way into the psyche of many a Korean boy.

Another class, instead of choosing to imitate their favorite K-pop group, decided that the best way to go was to cross-dress. They preformed some type of skit (all in Korean - so I understood about 5% of it) where every single student dressed as a person of the opposite gender. This rightfully included the use of balloon boobs, eyeliner mustaches, and every boy stomping around in high heels. It was absolutely hilarious and I'm sad that I can't fully capture the hilarity of it in writing. You'll just have to trust me. I mean, balloon boobs are usually always a good time.

In addition to using balloons as a means to enhance one's chest area, another class performed a skit where students stuck balloons down their pants, and then proceeded to blow them up with an air pump until they burst. Again, I have no idea exactly what they were doing ... but it provided quite the laugh.

Another class performed a magic / comedy routine where students completed various acts such as breaking pre-cut styrofoam boards in half, eating 12 jalapeno peppers at once, blowing balloons up with their noses, and amazing everyone with a special levitation act. However, in the midst of the levitation (where one student laid down on a table, covered himself with a blanket, and magically rose) the blanket fell off and the crowd witnessed the "magical" student doing push-ups underneath. I'm pretty sure that the blanket was, in fact, not supposed to fall off ... however the students handled it well and went with it. David Copperfield has some serious competition.

One first grade class danced a beautiful salsa dance (which they (and I) learned in sports-uh dance-uh class). However, the students felt that their dance would only be great if they all wore full-body animal costumes. I still have absolutely no idea why this seemed like the most logical idea ... but the entire class was dressed as kangaroos, dragons, and bumblebees ... dancing the salsa.
And it should be noted that this class wore their animal costumes to school and in class the next couple days. So as I walked around school in between classes I would occasionally pass by a dragon on his way to math, or a bumblebee heading to P.E. Seriously. I still don't understand Korea.

The crowd was also treated to a couple different "bands" throughout the day ... and the term "bands" loosely applies, in that it was mostly just some kids with a guitar, some drums, and the inability to keep time ... standing together on stage. However, you can't really fault them for not having that much practice. When you're studying at school for roughly 20 hours a day, practice time is hard to come by.
There were two student bands who performed rock songs - basically the repetition of a chorus that I was told meant "How could you do this to me?" in Korean ... although I swear it sounded like "but my butt is sore" ... and many found it strange when I couldn't stop laughing as they played.

There was also a band that was comprised of teachers ... complete with one of the science teachers in a "fashionable" hoodie and sunglasses in an attempt to appear more Eminem-like. Not quite sure why anyone would ever want to look like Eminem ... but he was pretty dead on. The teachers' band was somewhat more rehearsed and professional than the student bands ... and everyone got a kick out of seeing their teachers doing something other than swinging discipline sticks at them.

Another highlight of the festival (and probably my favorite act) was three students - one who played acoustic guitar, one on bongo drums, and one who sang Chris Brown's "With You". The singer ... one of my best 2nd grade boys - sang completely in English, and did a great job ... even though his rendition of "And the hearts all over the world tonight" sounded pretty similar to "And the farts all over the world tonight".

As amazing as the talent show was, please know that it was not void of some good American talent (i.e. me). Upon my arrival to Hwasun High School (within the very first week, actually) I was asked by many teachers exactly what type of dancing I would be doing at the festival. After considering the question for a while I answered, "American, of course" ... in hopes that they would soon forget that I agreed to dance at all.
Well they didn't forget, although I did. The week of the talent show the music teacher approached me and asked me to give her my "soundtrack" of all the music I would be dancing to. After telling her I would have to give it to her tomorrow, I went home and prepared a stellar dance routine. Seriously. It's good.
I memorized (and perfected) the dance sequence in "Napoleon Dynamite" and downloaded my "soundtrack" (Jamiroquoi's "Canned Heat"). After countless hours of practicing in my room (well, not really "countless hours" ... more like 1.5) I was ready to perform.
The next day at the festival I anxiously sat in the crowd awaiting my turn ... and getting more and more nervous after seeing how die-hard and serious all the students were. However, as the talent show went on, I was never called to the stage. I later discovered that the music teacher had already printed the programs before I gave her my "soundtrack", and thus verifying that I was actually going to dance. And since the show dragged on well beyond its scheduled time, there wasn't any room for me at the end.
I can't say I'm too disappointed ... but at least now I can break into a sweet dance routine at the drop of a hat ... which will happen.
But ... as I said earlier, I did get to share some of my dancing ability with the school. At the end of the show many of the teachers were dragged onto the stage by students and together we karaoked 2 Korean songs. (My attempt to karaoke was pretty much 'move my mouth and smile' ... it was a huge hit) During our second song students started chanting "Roren! Roren!" ... which I took to mean that they were calling on me ... so I stepped out in front of the group of teachers and held a little impromptu dance party, with only one guest - Roren.
The students absolutely loved it and afterward kept telling me how awesome my "American dances moves" are.
FYI: "American dance moves" = hand waving and pelvic thrusting (for anyone who was unaware)

The second day of the festival was filled with less dancing (although still a considerable amount), and was held at school. Basically all the students and teachers came to school to hang out, eat food, and attempt to turn a buck.
The teachers pretty much treated this like a regular day ... sitting in the teacher's lounge, doing anything and everything (really, everything ... have some beer, grade some tests, do various types of lunges, etc)
However, the students were given the day "free". In the morning each class tried to make money that would later go to buy something as a class (probably Pokemon cards ... not really, my students are way too cool for that). Each class did something different, although most made and sold different types of food. Although a few classes got pretty creative/lazy and went another direction. There were about 17 different classes, each doing their own thing ... this is what I found to be most amusing, entertaining, strange, etc:

One particular class that is a little difficult to manage and has some first grade boys who are in my "you are annoying and disruptive" pile set up a water balloon toss game, where they took a wooden board, painted a picture of Flounder and The Little Mermaid on it, and stuck about a million thumbtacks (pointing up) on the front side (don't worry, it was super safe ... not). Various boys then stuck their heads through both Flounder and Ariel's heads and allowed students and teachers to throw water balloons at them for about 50 cents. This worked amazingly well (most likely because I'm pretty sure many other students think these certain boys are pretty annoying) ... and they made a killing. Their faces got drenched and their pride a little squashed ... but they definitely made some money.
And I definitely made sure to have a go at it.

My all time favorite second grade class went a different route and attempted to create a "club-like atmosphere" and charge other students to come in and dance. They pulled all the blinds in their classroom, put blankets over all the windows (so it was completely dark), somehow managed to find a disco ball, and played "club" music on their class computer. But what really sold it for me was the fact that on the chalkboard in giant letters they wrote "da club".
However, da club wasn't a huge success ... when I came in (free of charge because I'm awesome, and American - that's really what they said) the only people in da club were the class themselves. (and "fity" ... but he's always at da club)

Other classes charged admission for students to come in and watch movies or Korean television dramas in their class. These classes made quite a bit of money ... and I was able to see about 20 minutes of the most disgustingly awful American slasher movie ever - which I was told was called "Summer Camp 4". But to be fair, I haven't seen "Summer Camps 1-3", so I was a little lost.

As for the many other classes who sold various foods, I was treated (well, I actually had to pay) for kimchi pizza (pretty disgusting), corn covered in cheese (why they thought this was a good idea, I'll never know), some hot chocolate, tea, and a banana. One class just sold bananas. Highly overpriced bananas, I should add.

The rest of the afternoon was filled with many soccer games, wrestling matches, and just down time to hang out and socialize. While most all of the other teachers stayed and worked in their offices I got to hang out with a lot of my students and have a great time.

The past couple weeks have been very enjoyable ... much more so than previous weeks ... and I am beginning to regain faith as to why exactly I am (still) in Korea.
But! With only 6 more days of actual classes to teach and only about 2 more weeks until winter vacation, the light at the end of the tunnel is (slowly) but surely growing. I'm taking this free time to my advantage and am planning to travel during the next couple weeks before I come home in late December.
I'm actually off to Jeju (the largest Korean island) for the weekend ... and really must hurry out the door ... my host brother, San-che (the man-che) is waiting.

Until next time ... stay classy America.